Former Monk Jay Shetty and Jada Pinkett Smith Tackle the Real Meaning of the Words 'I Love You'

In an exclusive look at the new episode of Red Table Talk, the 35-year-old English author says the phrase has different meanings for different people

What does the phrase "I love you" actually mean? It depends, says former monk Jay Shetty.

In a new episode of Red Table Talk, actress and co-host Jada Pinkett Smith asks the author of the upcoming book 8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, And Let It Go about saying "I love you" and how it can impact relationships.

As Shetty explains in PEOPLE's exclusive clip of the show — which also stars Pinkett Smith's daughter Willow Smith and her mother Adrienne Banfield Norris — some people believe using the phrase indicates that a person wants to spend their life with someone, while others use the phrase much more loosely.

"The problem is, when someone says 'I love you,' you don't stop to ask them 'Wait wait wait, what does that mean?' " he says.

Jordan Fisher

Shetty, who was previously a monk for three years in both India and Europe, said studies show that that men will say "I love you" in 88 days, on average, while women take 134 days to do the same.

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"It's not that that person necessarily lied to you or misled you, they were just living up to their definition [of 'I love you']," Shetty says.

"So I'm not telling you to stop someone from saying 'I love you.' I'm saying, I hope that before you say that, there have been some conversations around, what does love mean to you?" he explains.

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Shetty spoke about his personal experience as a man in the dating world during a Red Table Talk episode in May 2019. He admitted to doing "nice things" for women he dated "because it would make me feel better about myself."

"I didn't know if I was genuinely doing it for them or for me so they'd be like 'Jay you're amazing,'" he said at the time. "When you become a monk, shave your hair off, wear robes, nobody's impressed anymore."

Shetty's 8 Rules of Love is set for release Jan. 31, 2023. The book, published by Simon and Schuster, will lay out "specific, actionable steps" to help readers "develop the skills to practice and nurture love," according to a press release from September.

The newest episode of Red Table Talk premieres Monday at 12 p.m. ET on Facebook Watch.