Matt Bellassai's New Swanky, 'Grown Person' Apartment Is All Dressed Up and Ready for a Visit from Harry Styles
Matt Bellassai's NYC Apartment Makeover
Comedian Matt Bellassai is a social media savant (just ask his 300k+ followers), an author (his first book is out in October), and, as his Twitter bio states, a notable "internet drunk" (his wine-fueled podcast is called Unhappy Hour).
While he is, without a doubt, larger than life in the online space, his real-life living quarters in New York City were lacking the personality to match.
Where It All Began
The bright, white and modern space was a far cry from his previous apartment, which Lesser notes was "a teeny studio" a quarter of the size.
The modern fittings and floor-to-ceiling windows were a draw for the 27-year-old. "I’ve always hated old New York apartments that brokers try to entice you to rent with words like 'charming' and 'pre-war' and all those other phrases that just mean everything is falling apart and there’s poison in the paint," he says, ever playing the victim as he does in his comedy. (His former Buzzfeed video series was called Whine About It.) "I lived in those kinds of apartments for the first four years I lived in New York, and I was ready for something new."
Finding a Style
Now, Lesser says, the perfectly appointed space embodies Bellassai's personal style, which she describes as "nutty professor-chic, in the best way possible."
Her client adds, "The whole design is a little bit swankier than I expected when we first started, but I absolutely love it. I feel like a grown, sophisticated businessman who drinks alcohol out of the proper glasses."
The Princess and the Settee
A gallery wall of quirky portraits — "a bunch of pictures that made me laugh or smile," he says — and a blue velvet sofa are the focal point of the light-filled space.
"[It] was pretty much the only thing I said I absolutely wanted from the beginning," he says of the piece. "[It's] just a little bit luxurious, to satisfy the princess inside of me."
Take It Lying Down
Another seating option fits Bellassai to a T. "The lounge chair is probably the most emblematic of my lifestyle, because I’m rarely, if ever, vertical," he says. "It’s also permanently reclined, which are two words that describe me perfectly."
Raising the Bar
If his apartment were a fine wine, the internet oenophile guesses it would be "a zinfandel. Bold, fruity and high in alcohol."
His home bar, however, reveals an enthusiasm for another adult beverage: "My go-to drink is actually bourbon. I signed up for some bourbon-of-the-month club, because I’m officially an old man, so now I have way too much bourbon for a single human to consume, but it makes my bar cart look like it belongs to a grown person."
A Place for Faves
Bellassai's newly chic-ified space seems, at first, to be lacking tribute to the two people he talks most about and at on his People's Choice Award-winning Twitter account: Beyonce and Harry Styles. (His gleefully shameless fawning over and flirting with hot male celebs is a highlight of his feed.)
But, he reveals, a few tributes are hidden in plain sight: "I have the large vinyl copy of Harry’s album on the shelf above my desk, and there are a couple of giant framed Beyoncé posters leaning in the corner beside the lounge chair," he says. "They’re there. You just have to find them."
Trading Up in Bed
Retiring the full-size bed he's been sleeping in since he was nine years old was a milestone. "The entire bed frame was held together by duct tape," he says. "My mother literally sent me to New York with written instructions on how to tape the bed back together. So I pretty desperately needed new stuff. And a bigger bed."
The Ask Is Out
While, he regularly chats with celebs on social media, his new, moody space has not yet welcomed any famous guests, "yet."
Though he adds, "Harry obviously has an open invitation, and I’m happy to say my bed is now big enough to comfortably fit two people."
Everything is Awful: And Other Observations, out October 24, is available for pre-order.