Model Bridget Malcolm has an apology for her followers.
The Victoria’s Secret model used to advocate for “clean eating” and daily exercise on her blog, but Malcolm has since realized that she wasn’t eating nearly enough food and was overexercising, all because of her body dysmorphia.
“I would like to acknowledge and apologize for some of the things I wrote and spoke about over the past couple of years,” Malcolm, 26, wrote in a blog post on Monday. “I genuinely thought that I was doing the right thing for my health and wellness. I now know that I was completely in the depths of body dysmorphia and it really worries me that I was not a positive role model out there.”
Malcolm said that she feels guilty for declaring that she was eating “loads” of food and maintaining her slim figure when she was actually eating much less.
“When I claimed that I ate loads, I thought that I did. I would fill up on foods that were low calorie, and think that I was eating a healthy balanced diet,” she said. “I was extremely active, sometimes training 2-3 hours a day, and thought that that made me fit. But if someone offered me a piece of fruit to eat, I would become so anxious and fearful at the thought of having to eat it (something unplanned) that I would nearly be sick with worry.”
Malcolm said that a friend helped her see that she was dealing with severe body dysmorphia.
“I would eat such an extreme diet, and train so hard because I would look in the mirror and see someone who needed to lose weight looking back at me,” she said. “My best friend was staying with me once when I was at my smallest, and she was shocked at how I knew cognitively that I was small, but whenever I saw myself in the mirror, I saw excess weight that needed to come off.”
The Australian model has since given up dieting, writing in a March 12 blog post that she feels “free” after “making peace” with her body. But she said Monday that it was a tough journey at first.
“When I made the decision to start eating again, I really struggled with dysmorphia. Because this time I really was gaining weight,” Malcolm wrote. “Nothing crazy — I threw away a few old pairs of jeans, but I am not built to be too curvy. But it was enough to give those head demons a microphone, especially since I had taken away the self soothing method I used to employ (starvation).”
But Malcolm says that now, she actually likes her body, for the first time that she can remember. And she’s relieved to finally come clean.
“I am so glad that I got real with you guys. The guilt I feel at some of the things I used to recommend as healthy eating habits, truly because I believed them, makes me sick,” she said. “I want you all to know that I intend to use this platform as mindfully as possible from here on out. I do not want to make damaging recommendations anymore. I only want to speak the truth. So I intend to share with you all my good and bad days — I am no longer hiding behind the veneer of ‘clean’ eating.”