'RHONJ' 's Jackie Goldschneider Worries About an Eating Disorder Relapse: 'I'm So Scared of Food'

The reality star realized that her four kids had picked up on her "ritualized" eating habits

Jackie Goldschneider is "afraid" that her eating disorder is rearing up again after realizing that her kids are picking up on her "ritualized" eating habits.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey star, 45, broke down during a conversation with her husband Evan Goldschneider on Tuesday's episode, telling him that she's worried about her anorexia coming back.

"I'm so scared of food and I'm so scared of gaining weight but I'm hungry all the time," Jackie told him. "I'm afraid that I'm going to relapse and kill myself. I just don't want to do this anymore."

Evan had brought up the topic during dinner after telling Jackie that their four kids, twins Jonas and Adin, 13, and twins Alexis and Hudson, 11, had noticed she eats differently than the rest of the family.

"Within the last year, they've mentioned it several times," Evan said. "They said, 'Why is Mom eating the same dinner every night?' I said, 'Just let her be.' "

Jackie Goldschneider
Jackie Goldschneider. Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

But Jackie pointed out that it's a problem if they're picking up on her eating habits.

"It's one thing if I do it to myself, but it's another thing if I make my kids think that it's normal behavior," she said.

And Evan said in a separate interview that he's "been concerned" that Jackie could be relapsing.

"I noticed early on that she comes up with excuses not to order food. She kind of quietly writes in her book, 'This is what I ate today.' And she was always defensive," he said. "I remember her saying, 'How dare you criticize me for how I'm eating?' I didn't want to be judging her but I'm so happy she's finally opening up and letting me in."

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Jackie decided that she's going to see a therapist, to Evan's relief.

"I think I need a therapist. I'm ready," she said.

"I'll help you every step of the way," Evan responded. "I'm your partner. If you hurt, I hurt."

Jackie previously opened up to PEOPLE about her past history with anorexia, restricted eating and excessive exercising, saying that she stepped on the scale one day and realized, "I'm going to die if I don't stop."

The reality star spent the next four years in treatment, and said in 2018 that she's "really proud" of her progress.

"I'm really proud of coming out of the other side because it was so hard," she said. "It's really not a way to live. It's horrible. It was absolutely horrible. And I'm hoping that I can help people out there like me, who usually just suffer in silence. Because I wish I knew that one day, I'd get through it. That was always a fear of mine that I would never stop doing this."

If you or someone you know is battling an eating disorder, please contact the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) at 1-800-931-2237 or go to NationalEatingDisorders.org.

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