"I've been doing that for a long time, sometimes my fans don't even notice when I'm gone," Lele Pons said

By Eric Todisco
May 20, 2020 09:33 AM

Lele Pons is opening up about her obsessive-compulsive disorder.

The Venezuelan YouTube star, 23, shares her experience with the disorder in her new YouTube documentary, The Secret Life of Lele Pons, as well as other mental health conditions including Tourette syndrome and ADHD.

In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, Pons revealed that she secretly disappeared for a month to seek treatment for her mental health.

"I've been doing that for a long time, sometimes my fans don't even notice when I'm gone," Pons shared. "I have things accumulated, like content, but I've been to a ranch for a month without anyone [knowing]. When it's really bad or when there's a really big project coming, that might trigger a lot of my stuff, I go there to prepare myself."

Pons, whose battle with OCD began at a young age, said that she felt the timing was right to share her story now.

"When I was little I couldn't move, I was stuck in one place. I couldn't move and my dad had to carry me around places," Pons said, adding, "There's thoughts and there's actions. There are things that you don't want to do, but your brain and your thoughts are telling you to do them."

According to the Mayo Clinic, "Obsessive compulsive disorder features a pattern of unwanted thoughts and fears that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). These obsessions and compulsions interfere with daily activities and cause significant distress."

The internet personality explained that when she gets paranoid, she does things in threes to avoid "something bad" happening.

"I do a lot of touching, a lot of checking, I touch things, everything," she said. "I talk to someone but I repeat myself three times and they don't notice. I touch something three times. Sometimes I even get nervous when I say [or] do something two times and I'm like, I need to go back."

"Everything is so calculated, it's insane," Pons shared with ET. "When it comes to thoughts, I have fear of, 'If I don't do this three times, something bad is going to happen.' And you really, really, truly believe it. It’s not normal, you know? Because I know for a fact that nothing bad's going to happen, but the feeling is so there that you actually believe it, it's just hard."

Lele Pons
| Credit: Bryan Steffy/Getty

"I wish I didn't have OCD," Pons stated, adding that she wishes she could turn her brain off "because it's constantly doing stuff."

"It's hard because you're constantly battling yourself," she said to the outlet.

While OCD has been a hindrance for the YouTube star, she admitted that it's also affected her career in a positive way.

"Like, I'm obsessed with hard work and I'm obsessed with making videos," she noted. "People are like, 'Wow, she makes so many videos,' and I'm like, yup because I can't stop."

"There was a point where I'd make three videos a day and if I stopped I felt like my account was gonna be deleted the next day, something bad was gonna happen," she added to ET. "So people were like, 'Wow, she's such a hardworking person.' Like, no, it has to do with OCD too."