"I can't living without knowing — these few days are just torturous," she said as she awaited her results

By Aurelie Corinthios
September 09, 2019 09:50 AM

Kim Kardashian West got emotional about her health on Sunday’s season 17 premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

As the episode began, the 38-year-old mother of three was getting increasingly worried due to some concerning symptoms she had been experiencing.

“I’ve been feeling so tired, so nauseous and my hands are really getting swollen,” she explained. “I feel like I literally am falling apart. My hands are numb.”

After a pregnancy test came back negative, she decided it was time to see a doctor. She also ruled out the possibility of the pain having something to do with her carpal tunnel syndrome.

“Lately, my wrists are starting to hurt again but it’s definitely a different feeling,” she said. “I feel this in my bones. It’s starting to really worry me. I really have to look into this.”

“Based on the symptoms, it looks like I have rheumatoid arthritis,” she speculated. “It’s so scary. So I have to go to the doctor and see what’s going on because I can’t live like this.”

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Her doctor agreed that it was possible she had rheumatoid arthritis but had her do some blood work so they could find out more. As she awaited her results, Kardashian West, who at the time was expecting her fourth child, son Psalm, via surrogate, was “freaking out.”

“I have a baby on the way, I have law school,” she said. “It just can really scare you when you start thinking about how much this is going to change [your] life. … I can’t living without knowing. These few days are just torturous.”

Finally, at the end of the episode, she got a call from her doctor and found out that her “antibodies are positive for lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.”

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Lupus is an autoimmune disease that leads to inflammation in tissues and organs, according to the Mayo Clinic. While common, lupus is difficult to diagnose because many of the symptoms — joint pain, fever, fatigue, rashes — are also seen in other health problems, and the symptoms differ from person to person. There is no cure for lupus, only treatments like courses of steroids to reduce the symptoms.

Rheumatoid arthritis is an autoimmune disorder that occurs when your immune system mistakenly attacks your own body’s tissues, according to the Mayo Clinic. There is no cure for rheumatoid arthritis, but new types of medications have improved treatment options dramatically.

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Since there was a chance Kardashian West’s results were a false positive, she scheduled a follow-up appointment with her doctor so she could get ultrasound scans on her hands and joints to really determine what was going on.

Kris Jenner did her best to console her tearful daughter, urging her to “stay really positive until we get some results.”

“You know, you really do get in your head and think about the worst possible things that can happen,” Kardashian West admitted. “So for the next few days, it’s going to really be hell … wondering what I have, what’s going on and how to fix this.”

Keeping Up with the Kardashians airs Sundays (9 p.m. ET) on E!

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