Lifestyle Health Kim Kardashian Says Body-Shaming During Her First Pregnancy 'Killed' Her 'Self-Esteem' "I can't believe that this was acceptable and that this was okay," the reality star said By Nicholas Rice Nicholas Rice Instagram Twitter Nicholas Rice is an Associate Editor for PEOPLE Magazine. He began working with the brand as an Editorial Intern in early 2020, before later transitioning to a freelance role, and then staff positions soon after. Nicholas writes and edits anywhere between 7 to 9 stories per day on average for PEOPLE, spanning across each vertical the brand covers. Nicholas has previous work experience with Billboard, POPSUGAR, Bustle and Elite Daily. When not working, Nicholas can be found playing with his 5 dogs, listening to pop music or eating mozzarella sticks. People Editorial Guidelines Published on August 12, 2021 09:53 AM Share Tweet Pin Email Kim Kardashian is speaking candidly about the body-shaming she says she experienced during her first pregnancy. While appearing on Kristen Bell and Monica Padman's podcast We Are Supported By, the 40-year-old Keeping Up with the Kardashians alum opened up about the scrutiny she faced during her pregnancy with her first child, daughter North West. "I was not a good pregnant person. I was not a cute pregnant person. I did not like it," Kardashian explained. "I hated it. I hated how I felt. I hate how I looked." "I was so used to seeing my mom pregnant, my sister pregnant and everyone looking so cute and having these easy deliveries and life was great and they snapped right back. That wasn't me," she continued, before noting how the media "brutalized" her while she was with child. Kim Kardashian West. Chesnot/WireImage "It was really, really crazy," Kardashian added. "I don't think it would really fly today, but it killed my self-esteem. I can't believe that this was acceptable and that this was okay." Kim Kardashian Says the Reason She Never Smiles Stems from Her First Pregnancy: 'It Changed My Personality' Gary Miller/FilmMagic Kardashian said the experience left her feeling insecure. "I would sit at home and cry all the time," she continued. "I had this condition called preeclampsia and I didn't know that I had it. It's over-swelling in your feet and face. I had to deliver six weeks early with an emergency delivery and then I had another condition called Placenta accreta with both of my babies. It was insane." Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Following the birth of North, now 8, Kardashian said she struggled with getting back to her goal weight after the scrutiny about her body. (She is also mom to Chicago, 3, and sons Saint, 5½, and Psalm, 2.) "We didn't have a gym or anything and I was too embarrassed to go to a gym because I didn't want people to look at me trying to lose weight," she said. "I gained 70 pounds. I would sit in my mom's garage and it was literally probably 115 degrees in Calabasas in the summertime. I'd have my daughter in a stroller and I'd sit her in there and I would just workout in the garage and try to do anything I could until I did it." RELATED VIDEO: Kim Kardashian West Is Not a Fan of Her Pregnancy Overall, Kardashian explained how being in the public eye while pregnant changed how much she wanted to share with the world on social media, adding, "It changed me as a person." "It really did change me and it made me really pull back on what I shared and just how much I wanted to give because I saw how nasty everyone was and it felt so bad," she said. Even now, Kardashian said despite being more comfortable in her skin, she still struggles with how much of herself to share with the public. "There is definitely a side of me that's like, 'Be who you want to be and post what you want to post,'" she said. "Then there's the other side of me that's like, 'Oh, I'm a mom, I'm 40, I gotta chill.'" "I definitely wrestle with that idea in my mind," the reality star added.