Deborah James on Choosing Where to Spend Her Final Days: It's 'Where I've Always Wanted to Die'

The mother of two said she decided to not get hospice care at the home she shares with her husband and children so "it can continue to be their home without those memories"

Deborah James has shared the place where she's "always wanted to die" following the decision to stop her treatment for bowel cancer.

James, 40, recorded the final episode of her BBC podcast You, Me & The Big C: Putting the Can in Cancer just days after sharing that she is in hospice. Ahead of the episode called Deborah James' Last Dance, producer Mike Holt explained that James recorded the episode from her parents' garden in a sunchair.

During the installment, the U.K. radio host told Holt that "minus a few days at home," she had been in the hospital from January until earlier this month when it was determined she would need hospice care.

"I decided that I want to be at my parents' because as much as I love London, I can't even get up the steps to pee. It's kind of not practical. My parents live in a bungalow so I can see greenery and my whole family can come here," she explained.

"It's kind of where I've always wanted to die," James added. "I kind of always had that in my mind."

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Continued James: "I think I always knew I didn't want to be at my London home. I think mainly, it doesn't feel right to me. There's nothing that I can describe that feels relaxing in that capacity. Don't get me wrong it's a lovely place, but I also think it's not where I can be. But it means the kids can go back there and they don't have this medical equipment, gauze, placed everywhere. It can continue to be their home without those memories, which might possibly be a good thing."

LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 15: Deborah James attends The Best Heroes Awards 2019 at The Bloomsbury Hotel on October 15, 2019 in London, England. (Photo by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/Getty Images)
Deborah James. Dave Benett/Getty

James shares children Hugo, 14, and Eloise, 12, with her husband Sebastien Bowen.

The Bowelbabe Fund founder, who was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2016, revealed on Monday that she is in hospice care.

"The message I never wanted to write. We have tried everything, but my body simply isn't playing ball," James began. "My active care has stopped and I am now moved to hospice at home care, with my incredible family all around me and the focus is on making sure I'm not in pain and spending time with them."

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She continued, "Nobody knows how long I've got left but I'm not able to walk, I'm sleeping most of the days, and most things I took for granted are pipe dreams. I know we have left no stone unturned. But even with all the innovative cancer drugs in the world or some magic new breakthrough, my body just can't continue anymore."

In her message, James said that she's focused on "taking it a day at a time, step by step and being grateful for another sunrise. My whole family are around me and we will dance through this together, sunbathing and laughing (I'll cry!!) at every possible moment!"

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