Ariana Grande is opening up about her battle with anxiety, and with post-traumatic stress disorder following the bombing at a Manchester, U.K. concert venue while she was performing.
The singer, 24, says she was conflicted about speaking openly about her PTSD when so many of the people there — 23 total — lost their lives.
“It’s hard to talk about because so many people have suffered such severe, tremendous loss,” Grande told Vogue U.K. for their July issue. “But, yeah, it’s a real thing. I know those families and my fans, and everyone there experienced a tremendous amount of it as well. Time is the biggest thing. I feel like I shouldn’t even be talking about my own experience — like I shouldn’t even say anything.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever know how to talk about it and not cry,” she said.
Grande said in May that she found the attack particularly horrifying because a concert was supposed to be a place of happiness.
“Music is supposed to be the safest thing in the world,” she told Time. “I think that’s why it’s still so heavy on my heart every single day. I wish there was more that I could fix. You think with time it’ll become easier to talk about. Or you’ll make peace with it. But every day I wait for that peace to come and it’s still very painful.”
Grande also said that her anxiety is getting worse, particularly as she gets ready to release her fourth album, Sweetener.
“I think a lot of people have anxiety, especially right now,” she said. “My anxiety has anxiety … I’ve always had anxiety. I’ve never really spoken about it because I thought everyone had it, but when I got home from tour it was the most severe I think it’s ever been.”
Grande told Time that she’s trying to use her anxieties and emotions to create her art.
“I felt more inclined to tap into my feelings because I was spending more time with them,” she said. “I was talking about them more. I was in therapy more.”