AnnaLynne McCord on 'Healing' After Dissociative Identity Disorder Diagnosis: 'I Want to Thrive'
AnnaLynne McCord is continuing to open up about her dissociative identity disorder (DID) diagnosis.
Earlier this week, the 90210 alum revealed that she has DID during a conversation with Dr. Daniel Amen, saying that she is "absolutely uninterested in shame" while breaking the stigma surrounding mental health.
"There is nothing about my journey that I invite shame into anymore. And that's how we get to the point where we can articulate the nature of these pervasive traumas and stuff, as horrible as they are," said McCord, 33.
On Friday, the star spoke to Good Morning America, further sharing her experiences and admitting that she "wanted to die for so much of my life."
"I didn't want to be here. Now I wake up every day and say, 'Thank you, I'm alive again!'" McCord said.
The actress also spoke about taking issue with DID's previous terminology, multiple personality disorder. "It is not that," she said. "You don't have multiple personalities; you have fragments of yourself. There's AnnaLynne, who you're talking to right now, right? Then there's this part of me that this trauma happened to that's still— if you can imagine it as trapped in Pandora's box. And I just opened Pandora's box."
Want to get the biggest stories from PEOPLE every weekday? Subscribe to our new podcast, PEOPLE Every Day, to get the essential celebrity, entertainment and human interest news stories Monday through Friday.
McCord has previously spoken about being raped as a teenager and the trauma it caused. She told PEOPLE in September 2019, "A year ago, I was in treatment for PTSD and memories of child sexual abuse came back for years all the way until I was 11 years."
During her chat with GMA, the actress said that portraying a sexual assault survivor on 90210 brought up her real-life traumas, affecting her mentally and emotionally. "These moments were coming to light through my work. I didn't understand anything about the mind or the brain at the time, I just was trying to my job and I couldn't," she recalled. "It was very scary."
She recalled the resurfaced trauma, when she finally faced it, as "so destabilizing" to her at the time. "My whole life means something different now," she told GMA about how it changed her outlook.
McCord explained why she sought help, saying, "The brain doesn't care about quality of life, it just cares about going on to continue living. I want my quality of life to get better and that's why I stepped into this healing process."
"I want to thrive," she added.
In her discussion with Dr. Amen earlier this week, McCord recalled being "co-conscious" of her true identity and a split personality she called "little Anna" at 13.
"She was a balls to the wall, middle fingers to the sky, anarchist from hell who will stab you with the spike ring that she wears, and you'll like it. Then she'll make you lick the blood from it," McCord said. "She was a nasty little creature, but I have so much gratitude to her because she got me out of the hell that I was in."
According to the National Alliance on Mental Health, a person with DID may "feel like one or more voices are trying to take control in their head. Often these identities may have unique names, characteristics, mannerisms and voices. People with DID will experience gaps in memory of every day events, personal information and trauma."
If you or someone you know need mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.