April 01, 2016 11:10 AM

Daniel Acker/Bloomberg/Getty

While receiving a botched takeout order when you’re starving can often feel like a crime against humanity, it is, in fact, not.

A woman in Hartford, Connecticut identified as Ashley recently called 911 with an arguably less-than-pressing question: “If I order a pizza and they don’t want to give me my money back, can you guys do something?”

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The emergency operator very calmly and professionally responds with the obvious, “That’s not something you would dial 911 for,” reminding her it is reserved for “life-threatening emergencies only.”

Still, Ashley forges along on her path for justice. “I ordered a small pizza, half cheese and half bacon. They bring me half hamburger. So I called them back and they don’t want to give my money back. They keep hanging up on me.”

To be fair, hamburger and bacon are two very different pizza experiences. Hamburger pizzas are reserved for 4th grade birthday parties at a laser tag arena washed down with Mountain Dew Code Red. Bacon, while not as exquisite as the more popular pepperoni, is a more acceptable pizza topping for an adult human. To recap: Annoying, yes. Illegal, no.

The dispatcher (again, a very patient woman) does give her another option: “If you go over there, you can call and have an officer meet you, but an officer’s not just going to call them and ask them to give you your money back.”

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The pizza shop in question, Empire Pizza, told NBC Connecticut said they would have exchanged the pizza – but she had already eaten half of it. (…But which half was it?!)

Listen to the full audio here.

Shay Spence, @chezspence

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