Unless you’re scouring the discount racks, mid-July is typically a bit late to go shopping for your summer swimwear. But then again, you probably didn’t know a swimsuit adorned with the face Guy Fieri even existed until you started reading this — so in some ways, your summer starts right now.
Online clothing retailer Beloved prides itself on somewhat bizarre fashion choices. The brand describes itself as saying “it’s ok to wear pizza on your clothing. Or anything else you want, really.” That includes an entire purposefully-garish line of women’s one piece swimsuits featuring extreme close-ups of some of the world’s more infamous faces: everyone from Trump and Putin to Nicholas Cage and Steve Buscemi… and, of course, the Mayor of Flavortown himself, Guy Fieri.
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Yes, tossing on this swimsuit will turn any lady’s midriff into everyone’s favorite purveyor of Donkey Sauce (which we’ve all learned is just aioli). Imagine Fieri’s signature wrap-around sunglasses hugging the area just above your waist, his American cuisine-loving mouth right at your bellybutton, and his always identifiable goatee landing right in your… uh… let’s just say it lines up in an interesting place anatomically.
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As terribly off-putting as the front of the one-piece is — by no real fault of Fieri’s, really; no one’s face would look good like this – the back of the suit is even more bizarre. It’s the exact same image – an extreme close-up of Fieri’s face – but since the back has a very low cut, Fieri’s open-mouthed mug lands on the lower back and butt. Yup, people at your pool party are going to get a full face of Fieri whether you’re coming or going. And then they’ll probably immediately get going themselves.
According to Beloved, these suits, which are currently selling for $49.95, are “handcrafted in 10 days” – probably because it would be a horrible business model to have a giant stock of Guy Fieri swimsuits sitting in your inventory. That means if you want to get your suit by the end of summer, you have to act fast. Or you could just move somewhere tropical and make your Guy Fieri swimsuit your go-to outfit 365 days a year.