PEOPLE got an exclusive sneak peek of Goop’s holiday gift guide—and it’s, well, just as Goop-y as you might imagine. (Um, $820 incense set, anyone? Seriously. That is a real, actual thing.)
We perused the lists, which features gifts for kids, travel-lovers, cooks and more, and found the items we would actually love to buy — and be able to afford without having to put aside a little bit of our paycheck every day for years. Sorry, $1,995 knit sweater and $140 potpouri. You’re not quite in our budget.
Turns out, Paltrow is well aware that some of Goop’s gift suggestions are, well, impractical.
“This year we actually have a number of gift guides, but one of them is just called ‘Ridiculous,'” Paltrow said in an interview with Couric on Tuesday. “I think there’s a trip to space on there, and a hot air balloon or something. I think the most ridiculous thing is there’s a website that’s selling solid-gold dumbbells.” (We’re glad Paltrow is on the joke, but we will never, ever be able to get over $820 incense.)
Oh, and if anyone was looking for definitive proof that Paltrow knows how to poke fun at herself: “Consciously Uncoupled” key tags ($15) made the list.
Here are the items on the list we would love to buy:
1. Bergamot & Grapefruit Soap ($12, The Greater Goods)
The earthiness of Bergamot with the bright citrus pop of grapefruit makes for a heavenly combination.
2. Bar Tartine Cookbook ($16)
We know the expression “gift that keeps on giving is overused,” but cookbooks perfectly fit that cliché. People treasure a good cookbook for life — and Bar Tartine is a stunning one, with recipes from Central Europe, Scandinavia and Japan.
3. Bow and Drape Personalized Sriracha ($9, Bow and Drape)
For the Sriracha obsessed person in your life, even if it’s you.
4. Royal VKB French Carafe + Stacking Glasses ($36, A+R)
We can’t imagine how fancy we would feel drinking out of this every day. Water, Scotch, Diet Coke, whatever.
5. Dewars 12-Year Blended Scotch Whisky ($32, Reserve Bar)
“A great bottle of Scotch Whisky = eternal crowd-pleaser.” Yes, Goop. Yes.
6. Critical Hit 5 Stones of Frost ($19.99, Think Geek)
Water ice cubes dilute booze, which is why frozen Whisky rocks are the way to go. (Plus, they look super cool.)
7. Macaron Making Kit ($24, Dana’s Bakery)
The kit, which demystifies the storied French cookie, allows you to impress all your friends with homemade macarons in chocolate molten, red velvet and fruity cereal flavors.
8. Anthropology Handmade Marble Gift Wrap ($14, Anthropologie)
We love a gift-wrap that makes even the grungiest of gifts look effortlessly elegant.
9. Luggage Tag in Galapogas Rose ($28, Stephanie Johnson)
A splurge, yes. But it’s just too pretty.
—Maria Yagoda, @mariayagoda