Walk into a liquor store these days and you’ll find a dizzying array of novelty vodka flavors, from bacon to Cinnabon. (Yes, your favorite mall pastry can now get you drunk. Cheers.)
Naturally, this begs the question: Does Cinnabon vodka actually taste like Cinnabons? Does bacon vodka actually taste like bacon? More importantly, do any of these vodkas actually taste good?
We put our most happy-hour-loving staff through a blind taste test to see if they could match six flavored vodkas to their real food counterparts — and to get their opinion on whether they’d knock back another pour.
Blind Tester: Whitney Little, Associate Producer
Best Guess: Cake. “It tastes like buttercream and a really delicious birthday cake.”
Real Flavor Reveal: No huge shock here. “Cinnabon actually makes sense because the most overwhelming flavor was icing.”
The Last Word: “I want an entire bottle!”
Blind Tester: Alison Schwartz, Associate Editor
Best Guess: Chocolate bubblegum. (Ed. note: Chocolate bubblegum?! Actually, that’s no crazier than PB&J, never mind.)
Real Flavor Reveal: Schwartz agreed she could taste the nutty, buttery flavor. The jelly, not so much.
The Last Word: “I could kinda, maybe, sorta drink this straight. …But what would happen if I muddled this with berries? Impossible is nothing.”
Blind Tester: Ben Trivett, Photo Editor
Best Guess: Chili/pepper
Real Flavor Reveal: “Blasphemous! Alcohol should not be mixed with meat!”
The Last Word: When we added the savory spirit to a cocktail mix, Trivett was sold. “In a Bloody Mary, it was very delicious.” May the record also show that two other staffers could not stop raving about the bacon Bloody.
Flavor: Fluffed Marshmallow (Ed. note: Is there such a thing as an unfluffed marshmallow?)
Blind Tester: Katie Kauss, Visual Projects Editor
Best Guess: Cotton candy
Real Flavor Reveal: “Fluffed marshmallow should be on a s’more!”
The Last Word: You may not be able to toast this over an open flame, but maybe you should enjoy it in a warm beverage: “This would actually be great mixed in a hot chocolate.”
Flavor: Glazed Donut
Blind Tester: Laura Franco, Assistant Producer
Best Guess: Birthday cake with vanilla ice cream. (When questioned on the specificity of her guess, Franco insisted the vodka smelled like an ice cream shop.)
Real Flavor Reveal: “DOUGHNUTS!! Totally didn’t see it coming!”
The Last Word: “Fantastic on its own!”
Flavor: Tropical fruit (Ed. note: Despite the “Loopy” name, rainbow coloring and suggestive logo of overlapping circles, there is no explicit reference to a popular breakfast cereal anywhere on this bottle or in its marketing.)
Blind Tester: Rachel Horner, Freelance Writer
Best Guess: Froot Loops/Fruity Pebbles
Real Flavor Reveal: Our unsurprised tester could even tell from the smell: “It was sweet but in a fruity way rather than overly sugary.”
The Last Word: “I would drink this by itself with no mixer, but think it would also taste delicious simply mixed with Sprite.”
—Karen J. Quan