July 20, 2015 12:29 PM

David M. Benett/Getty; Shay Spence

What Is It: Amy Schumer’s dream sandwich

Who Tried It: Shay Spence, associate food & lifestyle editor

Level of Difficulty: 2 (on a scale from 1 to 10)

Why We Did It: For the love of Amy (and delicious sandwiches)

Ask and you shall receive, Amy Schumer.

In a recent video segment for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, the comedian was posed with this conundrum: “Would you rather have a street named after you in your hometown or a dish named after you at your favorite restaurant?”

First of all: This is a softball question. Nobody wants their legacy to be a street name. People never speak cheerfully about streets. “Was stuck in traffic for an hour on George Clooney Blvd. today, that street is the worst,” or, “Got pulled over on Jennifer Aniston Ave. again. Total speed trap!” See what I mean?

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Because Amy and I are totally on the same wavelength and likely destined for best friendship, she agreed with me, choosing the dish option without hesitation. And being a strong woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it, she went into vivid detail: “I want it to be a hero, and I want it to be called ‘The Amy Schumer’ … chicken cutlet, bacon, cheddar, lettuce, tomato, ranch on […] a toasted garlic bread hero.”

As a superfan of both Schumer and sandwiches, I made it my weekend’s mission to turn this fantasy into reality. Before we get to the recipe, let’s break the sandwich down element by element.

Because she’s a born and bred New Yorker, Schumer uses the word “hero.” Other regional variations include hoagie, sub, grinder, po’ boy … all basically the same concept. Look for a nice white roll (now’s not the time for the multigrain flax seed stuff), soft enough to easily bite into but sturdy enough to handle everything you’re going to pile onto it without collapsing. I popped mine under the broiler and then rubbed both sides, while hot, with a cut garlic clove. If you wanted to brush them with butter before toasting, I don’t think anyone would be mad about it.

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I took creative liberty and assumed she meant breaded chicken here. Look for the pre-sliced cutlets at the butcher counter, but if you can’t find them, simply halve a regular chicken breast horizontally. Once you master the standard flour, egg, breadcrumb breading procedure outlined in the recipe, the possibilities are endless. (Chicken parm, anyone?)

You can’t mess this up. Go for thick cut, if possible, and I cooked mine in an even layer on a baking sheet in the oven (400°F for about 15 minutes) so that I could work on everything else while the bacon did its thing. 

The sharpest cheddar you can find. Oh, and it has to be yellow. Don’t ask me why; I don’t make the rules.

Leave your artisan heirloom “so ugly they’re cute” tomatoes out of this. I’m making mine in July, so beautiful tomatoes are all over the place, but even if you want to make this with a January supermarket tomato, the integrity will not be compromised.

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At first glance you might think this is a throwaway item, but you would be sorely mistaken. Lettuce is the cool crunch that ties everything together. I skipped the standard shredded iceberg for a heartier romaine, and I suggest you do the same.

Like any responsible adult, I always have a bottle of ranch ready to go in my fridge. There is nary a slice of late-night pizza in my household that does not get dipped in it. Please feel free to use that in this recipe without fear of judgment; however, I was feeling fancy, so I made my own. Honestly, if you’ve never done it before, it’s kind of an empowering experience.

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Alright, enough small talk. Ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu, I give you …

Shay Spence

“The Amy Schumer” Sandwich
Makes 4

For the ranch dressing:
¾ cup sour cream
3 tbsp. chopped chives
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1 clove garlic, minced or grated

For the chicken:
¼ cup vegetable or canola oil
½ cup flour
2 eggs, beaten
½ cup panko breadcrumbs
½ cup grated parmesan
4 chicken cutlets

For the sandwich:
4 hero rolls, split
1 clove garlic, halved
8 slices bacon, cooked
8 slices sharp cheddar cheese
3 tomatoes, sliced
1 cup chopped romaine lettuce

1. In a bowl, combine all ingredients for ranch dressing and season to taste with salt and lots of coarse black pepper. Stir to combine and set aside in the refrigerator.
2. Set up a breading station: in one shallow dish, add flour. In another dish, add eggs. In a third dish, combine breadcrumbs and parmesan. Season chicken and dip each cutlet into the flour, then eggs, then breadcrumb mixture to create a breading.
3. In a large skillet, preheat oil over medium-high and cook chicken, turning once, until golden brown and cooked through, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer to plate.
4. Preheat your broiler on high. Toast the rolls cut side up on a baking sheet under the broiler until slightly browned, about 3 minutes. Rub toasted rolls with cut garlic clove.Spread ranch dressing on the bottom rolls. Top with cutlet, bacon, cheese, tomato, lettuce, top roll (also slathered with ranch dressing, duh.)

Shay Spence, @chezspence

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