For Terri Horman, the past five years have been a nightmare she can’t escape.
Since her stepson Kyron, then 7, vanished on June 4, 2010, Terri’s been followed by a cloud of suspicion, despite the fact that police have never named her as a suspect or person of interest in the case.
“This whole five years has been a bad dream,” Terri tells PEOPLE in her first interview since Kyron’s disappearance. “I wake up and go to bed every night thinking about my three children. I try to think of something positive about each of them.”
She adds: “I’m speaking now as nobody is looking for my son anymore. I love my son. I want him home. There is no past tense [for me].”
• For more about the story and what Terri thinks happened to Kyron, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE on newsstands Friday. Tune in to ABC’s GMA and Nightline on Friday for a PEOPLE/ABC News exclusive sit down interview with Terri Horman.
To this day, Terri is haunted by the what-ifs. “What if I had gotten ready faster? What if we had done something sooner?” she wonders.
And though she insists she had nothing to do with Kyron’s disappearance, she can’t escape a group she calls the Haters, who have spent years tracking her moves, harassing her at her parents’ house and posting her whereabouts to social media.
“They scream ‘child murderer’ and ‘killer,’ ” she says.
Still, she’s willing to endure the Haters’ harassment if it means finding Kyron alive. “I would have five more years of this if he was found tomorrow, no problem,” she says.
Kyron’s father, Kaine Horman, told PEOPLE in a statement earlier this week that he’s encouraged by his ex-wife’s willingness to “make public statements about the events of June 4, 2010.”
“I hope that Ms. Horman will now cooperate with law enforcement to provide additional information that might lead to the discovery of Kyron,” he said.
Anyone with any information about Kyron’s disappearance, call 1-800-843-5678.