"I wanted to kill him," Gina DeJesus tells PEOPLE

Credit: Elinor Carucci

There were times when Gina DeJesus didn’t know if she would survive another day of being tortured by her captor Ariel Castro.

Like the day he wanted to play Russian roulette.

It had been a few months since she was abducted in Cleveland on her way home from school in April 2004, and Castro said he wanted to play a game. He showed her a gun and told her it was loaded with a single bullet.

“He explains the game: If I am willing to take the risk, he will put the gun to my head and pull the trigger,” she says in a new memoir, Hope: A Memoir of Survival in Cleveland, which will be released April 27. “If I live, he’ll give me a chance to put the gun to his head. ‘Okay,’ I tell him.”

She continues, “I’m nervous. But I can’t stand what’s happening in the house anymore. ‘I’m ready.’ He puts the gun to my temple and pulls the trigger. I hear a click.”

For nearly a decade, DeJesus, along with Amanda Berry and Michelle Knight, endured physical and emotional torture before escaping in May 2013.

Looking back, DeJesus, now 25, tells PEOPLE in an exclusive interview that she felt like she didn’t have anything to lose.

“At the time, I thought I was going to be there forever, so I didn’t care if I died,” she says. But more than anything, she adds, she wanted the chance to turn the gun on Castro. “I wanted to kill him.”

For more from the book and interview, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE on newsstands Friday

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