Blake Shelton won’t be taking the stage to host the 2016 Academy of Country Music Awards, but, fear not, you’ll be anything but empty-handed come showtime: Dierks Bentley will be joining returning host Luke Bryan.
We love Bentley and Shelton, but let’s think about this:
Con: ‘Bentley’ Is a Type of Car, Not a Type of Truck
Trucks are very important to country music. Bentleys, generally less so. This seems like a conflict of interest.
Pro: Bentley Has a Song Called ‘Drunk on a Plane’
How country music hadn’t yet thought to combine planes and drinking until Bentley came along is beyond me. “Drunk in My Truck While It’s Being Transported by Plane” could be a good follow-up. Or just “Drunk in a Tank.” That’s fertile ground for a songwriter. Someone call Chris Stapleton.
Con: Shelton Has the Most Perfect Chemistry with Luke Bryan
Those two just seem like the best of friends, don’t they? Your move, Bentley.
Pro: It’s Impossible to Not Have Chemistry with Luke Bryan
Bryan is like a life-size golden retriever who wears baseball hats. If you can’t have some kind of good time or rapport with him, you’re probably a cyborg. And country music really hates cyborgs – as is my understanding.
Pro: Bryan and Bentley Have Gone Hunting Together Before
Also, they went fishing once, which seems like a pretty important bonding ceremony for country music types.
Con: Shelton Wears Vests Well
I just like a man in a vest, is all.
Con: This Is Bentley’s First Time Hosting an Awards Show
And it would have been Shelton’s fourth time. That’s experience you can’t pay for.
Pro: Sometimes Fresh Blood Is Needed to Rejuvenate a Franchise
For example, 20-year-old New York Knicks rookie Kristaps Porzingis. (In this example, Bentley is Porzingis.)
Con: Neither of the Hosts Are Prince
While technically you’d think that Prince would have no place hosting an awards show for country music, you’d be wrong. Sorry.