By Maria Yagoda
Updated June 07, 2016 12:10 PM
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Credit: Universal Pictures

Living near other people is one of the worst aspects of modern society.

To feel better about our own living situations, we trolled Reddit for the all-time worst this-is-what-my-neighbor-does stories. And they’re all horrifying. Here are the 19 worst:

“My new neighbor sucks at bass, but plays at 3am. The apartment manager says he gets a pass on mandatory quiet time because he’s learning an art.”

“I once had a neighbor who wanted to tell you her life story every time she saw you. I got caught by her once and subtly sent off a quick text to my mom saying ‘neighbor trapped me, send help.’ She came outside and said, ‘Hey Collin, can you help me carry this upstairs?'”

“It starts every spring. The neighbor’s kids only have one speech volume, which is scream. It sounds like children are being murdered on a daily basis. They jump all over my porch swing even though I have repeatedly asked the parents to tell them not to. They run up and down the stairs of my porch constantly. I am just waiting for one to get seriously hurt, and then it’s my fault. I have a narrow driveway and last summer the one got his bike wedged between my house and my car’s passenger door and seriously scratched it. Basically they just run wild and the parents either don’t care, or are too drunk to notice at times. I don’t know when I turned into a crotchety old man at 30, but damn those kids.”

“I’m regularly woken up in the night by the old guy on the floor below shouting about noise. There is no noise.”

“I find their go-kart tracks all over our property.”

“I used to have a neighbor that would constantly throw trash over their back fence into my yard. Did it all the time. During the summer, I would go out to the shed in the back and find the most random shit, like a ripped open stuffed animal, used diapers, etc. I started throwing the trash back over, but it kept coming back no matter how much I battled it.”

“We lived next door to this old man who sat in his front yard BLATANTLY just staring at us with binoculars. He only did it when my parents weren’t home. When my mom confronted him he claimed we were lying. We weren’t. So one night we hear a noise outside and my mom pulls up the blind to find herself eye to eye with this old man trying to look into our window. And then there’s that other time my neighbor tried to kidnap me by trying to lure me into his car asking me Harry Potter stuff, and he went to jail.”

“My parents’ next door neighbors are terrible, the wife in particular. When their kids were in school, the mother would sit in the driveway at 6:30 a.m. and honk the horn until they came outside to leave for school. One day my mom asked if they could refrain from doing that. OH HELL NO they can’t. Honking continues, then everyone in the house decides to honk several times EVERY time they pull out of the driveway, just to be pricks. They still continue to do this years later.”

“It all started when our new neighbor put up a fence that extended too far, which forced pedestrian to walk in the street, rather than the sidewalk. My dad said something to him and of course, the guy didn t listen. My dad then contacted the city – this is when it all began. Over the next year, the neighbor got his revenge: first, he placed multiple spotlights outside his house, which went on at 8pm and lit up our bedrooms. Next, he placed a school bell on the back of his house and connected it to his telephone. Every time his telephone rang, it rang. Finally, there was a garage that he technically owned, but it was connected to our house, too. When he discovered we were trying to sell our house, he painted the garage neon pink, with neon green stripes. He must of known what he was doing, because he now owns 16 of 20 properties that were on our old block. He may have been some passive-aggressive genius.”

“The guy who lives above me is really popular. About 5 times an evening, I hear someone walking up the steps and knocking on his door. He must be kind of a prick, though, because they always leave and walk back down the steps about 5 minutes later.”

“I had a neighbor who VACUUM CLEANED HIS DRIVEWAY.”

“My neighbor broke into my house in the middle of the night in a drunken blur. We were all in our early 20s and him and his buddy, in their late 20s early 30s, lived downstairs. One night, I hear all this noise and find him passed out drunk in my hall closet clutching a pair of shoes.”

“I had a really bad neighbor back in my early 20s who we caught constantly trying to sneak over in the night and steal gas from our cars and anything we left outside.”

“My wife and I purchased our first house about three years ago. While moving in, there were my new neighbors drinking on their front porch, no big deal. While bringing the last load of boxes into the house, my neighbor comes up, welcomes me to the neighborhood and mentions how nice my TV is. Fast forward one week, we are headed out to dinner. This neighbor stops me before getting in the car and asks how long we will be gone (huge red flag). I lie, tell him I’m just running to the gas station one block away and will be back immediately. Twenty minutes later I get a phone call from the local police; this moron broke into my house in broad daylight with three other neighbors watching. He cut his hand on the window he was attempting to climb through and used his bleeding hand on every doorknob in my house. He is now a number in the U.S. penal system.”

“My neighbor has no sense of time. One time we had to talk to him about not using power tools or splitting wood at three in the morning. What makes him worse? He gets a smaller trash can to pay less to the city, but then puts all his extra trash in our bin, so ours overfills and we have to pay extra.”

“Neighbor would bang on the door to my home to purposely make my dogs bark to get me evicted. One day I pretended to leave the house and recorded him banging on the wall. Dogs barked. I rung his doorbell and showed him proof. He moved out a month later.”

“We live in an apartment and we have a dog. He’s super chill and awesome. There is a guy down the hall from us who has a small dog who is violent with other dogs. He frequently lets his dog out in the hall either off leash or he drops the leash (as he’s locking his apartment). His dog has attacked my dog more than once. (My dog could crush the thing if he wanted to, but he’s really gentle.) The best part is that when my husband complained to the building manager, he found out that the guy had actually asked the manager for advice on what to do with his dog because it’s becoming more and more violent with other dogs. So, the guy knows his dog is violent, and there are other dogs that live on the same floor, and still lets his dog out in the hall without holding the leash. WTF, guy? Some dog owners piss me off.”

“My next-door neighbor is lovely in nearly every way. He’s friendly, has a cute dog and he brought us fish and chips for lunch on the day we moved in. He watches our house when we’re away, and deals with repair people if we’re at work, since he’s retired. Practically perfect in every way. BUT. His garden is full of wind chimes. Like, there could well be more than 100. The constant chiming 24/7 makes me want to garrote him. I hear them in my sleep. I hear them at work. I swear they’re following me. The chimes never stop.”

“He takes firewood from our woodpile at night – or when he knows we’re away – for use in his own fireplace. (Our neighbor across the street has seen him doing it and has kept us informed.) In the summer, he’s the tomato bandit – stealing produce from our garden. This summer, I’m going to install a surveillance camera to catch him in the act.”

Stories have been edited for length and clarity.