What makes an eligible bachelor finally decide to put a ring on it? Reddit users recently gathered to discuss the age-old question from their own unique perspectives. Below, a look at the marriage material deal-breakers and must-haves shared by both hopeful single dudes and happily married men alike.
1. “I want someone who I can argue with (and who will argue with me) without it turning into a fight. Someone who can call me on my BS when it matters, who isn’t going to flip out if I call her on hers. I’d much rather be with someone who will challenge me and make me rethink things than someone who is trying too hard to be nice and sweet all the time.”
2. “A best friend. If we can laugh our asses off together about something silly, share the glory of a big indulgent meal, fall asleep watching/reading something stupid together, get trapped in a s—-y situation and laugh at it because it’s a shared adventure, that’s my girl.”
3. “She loves what she does, she cares about herself as much as she cares about me and she smiles a lot. Bonus: she likes the same music as me.”
4. “Someone who genuinely likes me instead of some checklist of qualities that I managed to get a pass on.”
5. “Self awareness. If you’re wrong, admit it and apologize. I always push myself to do the same. Also, sexual connection.”
6. “I had a huge checklist before I met my wife. There was only a single thing on that list I would never overlook: A genuinely kind hearted person.”
7. “Laid back. I can’t stand someone who flies off the handle at the drop of a hat. Independence is another big one. I don’t want to see you every day.”
8. “The biggest thing that set my wife apart from every other girl I dated was just our ability to not take things so seriously.
I don’t mean not taking our relationship seriously. Of course, we’re committed to each other and our relationship, however we really don’t get overly serious about our day-to-day interactions.
We’re best friends, almost before we’re each other’s significant other. We can sit in the same room for hours doing completely different things and be at complete peace. We can make plans, break plans, have discussions about our relationship, and just about everything else without getting worked up.
This was most important for me: Find someone who you can enjoy and will work through things with you while keeping a level head.”
9. “Positivism. If i’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, I want it to be positive.”
10. “Saving for a ring for my current girlfriend. Here’s what I looked for beyond the obvious chemistry:
Does she make good decisions? Could I trust her choices if I were somehow incapacitated?
Is she honest? For me, it’s not enough to just not lie and not break the law. Does she honor the spirit of things even if the letter of the law would allow her additional advantage?
Do we have common values?
How does she argue/fight ? When she is hurt, does she look to hurt back? Does she pivot to cutting arguments tangential to the disagreement because the power of the hit is likely to end the convo her way? Does she label/name call? Are old, settled, unrelated slights brought back up in recent disagreements?
How crazy is her family? If they are a part of her life, they will be a part of our life.”
11. “A sense of humor. And a sense of humor doesn’t mean she laughs at funny things. It means she says funny things or does funny things. It means she makes YOU laugh. And that she does it regularly. If you have to think ‘when was the last time she made me laugh…a few weeks ago?’ then she doesn’t have a sense of humor.”
12. “Honesty and respect. I can look past a lot of things, but I can’t tolerate liars or people who are disrespectful of others. The latter extends to bigotry, manners, elitism, and disrespect to people’s privacy.”
13. “A woman who GENUINELY wants to be with you for you and not someone who is with you because you are the only thing she could get at the moment or something. It’s hard to describe how you can tell, but when you find a girl like that then you just know.
A woman who has a great relationship with her parents/family. For some reason, I’ve seen that women who have a bad relationship with their parents always have some issues of their own.
A woman who offers to pay for stuff a majority of the time (dinner, dates, etc) and buys you random gifts just because she loves you. That’s another way to tell she genuinely loves you.”
14. “Trust. I can stop at a bar with friends after work or have lunch with a female coworker without fear of telling her and her freaking out. She does the same with her work friends. Nothing is better than having someone that you can implicitly, unconditionally, and mutually trust.”
15. “Someone without a history of cheating. If they’ve done it before, especially more than once, they’ll do it again. It might be tomorrow, or 10 years from now. It will happen.”
16. “Actions, will power, and drive. I won’t date a woman whose ambitions amount to ‘stay at home mom.’ I plan to have a high paying job in my field (IT) but I also want my woman to be working some sort of job so that we can live comfortably. If we want a five bedroom house with a German Shepard ranch, we don’t have to check our pockets, we can just decide how many dogs we want.”
17. “If she can remain rational when she’s angry. Obviously men and women both have the potential to get ignorant during an argument, but a level-headed woman is worth her weight in gold to me.”
18. “Someone I learn from and who stimulates me. Someone who would help a son know what to see in a woman and a daughter would look up to and want to be one day.”
19. “Self awareness. People make mistakes. It’s unavoidable. The ability to recognize those mistakes is important to me. Even when the problem is someone else’s fault, she needs to be able to take responsibility for her role in the problem or her role in fixing the problem.”
20. “I have to believe I can be ‘natural’ with her. There have been women I had crushes on, women I was attracted to and wanted to be around, that I knew deep down I wouldn’t be able to have a normal, boring Wednesday with.
You have to be okay not just with someone’s best or worst selves but their own mundane selves.
21. “She needs to know how to keep house. I don’t mean all the time, just half the time. I can handle the other half. Constantly picking up after someone sucks. It’s hard to have a fulfilling relationship with someone when they don’t respect the space you share.”
Answers have been edited from Reddit for length and clarity.