Illustration By Debra Cartwright
June 02, 2014 06:00 AM

Gemini (May 21 Jun. 21)

When Mercury goes retrograde this week, expect some money drama and personal clashes. Don’t get too frustrated, though. Look for the absurdity in these situations – like Morgan Freeman on helium, sometimes the unexpected is downright funny.

Cancer (Jun. 22 Jul. 22)

With Mercury backstroking into Cancer, it’s the perfect time to slow down, grab an inflatable raft, and leisurely float down the lazy river of life. All major developments are in a holding pattern now, so focus on relaxing and making fun memories.

Leo (Jul. 23 Aug. 22)

When was the last time you updated your resume, Leo? Does your elevator pitch need work? Use this week to tighten your business game. The stars will sparkle on some “chance” networking opportunities, but it’s your job to be prepared (and look like a million bucks).

Virgo (Aug. 23 Sep. 22)

Don’t freak out, but Mercury’s going retrograde. Organizational systems will fail and routines will crumble. In short, a Virgo’s nightmare. Protect yourself by backing up your data and creating plans B and C (and D and E) so minor setbacks don’t become major ones.

Libra (Sep. 23 Oct. 23)

If you spend the week online shopping or staring out your office window, don’t feel too guilty. While Mercury goes retrograde in your career zone, you’re not going to make much progress anyway. So keep daydreaming of being descended from royalty.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 Nov. 21)

Put down the pen, Scorpio. With Mercury going retrograde, this is a terrible time to sign the dotted line. If you must make a move, find someone with fresh eyes to look over any contracts first. You’re bound to overlook something, large or small.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 Dec. 21)

Your relationship zone is about to get turned upside down and inside out, but you don’t need to be put through the ringer. Coupled archers, talk through issues over a bottle of vino. Single Sagittarians, if you have trouble reading mixed signals, ask for a translation.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 Jan. 19)

Sleeping on the couch this week is not out of the question thanks to Mercury going retrograde in your relationship zone. Look out – an ex may make an unexpected re-appearance. Don’t allow a misunderstanding to give your current boo the wrong idea.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 Feb. 18)

With Mercury going retrograde in Cancer, decluttering your devices is a good first line of defense. Erase outdated email addresses, whittle down your contacts list, and run an anti-virus program – you might be able to stave off any catastrophic glitches.

Pisces (Feb. 19 Mar. 20)

‘Tis the season for BBQs, pollen, and pool noodles. And thanks to Mercury retrograde in your love sign, it’s a time to revisit a former flame (IRL or just metaphorically). You may feel your bruised heart mending or Tinder could reunite you with a past spring fling.

Aries (Mar. 21 Apr. 19)

The stars are smizing at you, Aries. Mercury in retrograde can’t touch you; even if you get in your own way, the universe will have your back. Or at least, it’ll try. Behave too badly and you might find yourself tweeting your own jail selfie, Wiz Khalifa style.

Taurus (Apr. 20 May 20)

When the moon hits your eye like a thin-crust pizza pie (or Venus moves into your sign), that’s amoré. If you are ready to allow it, the spark you felt last week could grow into something much deeper than you imagined. E vissero felici e contenti indeed.

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