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February 11, 2016 04:00 PM

1. The only way Valentine’s Day directly affects your life is that eating at a restaurant is harder and some of your friends (the ones you don’t even like that much) aren’t free to hang out.

2. You’ve been shut out of V-Day for so long, you’re basically Leo, so it’s NBD at this point.

3. You drink just as much on Valentine’s Day as you do any other day of the year … which is to say, quite a bit.

4. Pizza is your Valentine and you eat pizza every day, so why have this whole big holiday? Seems unnecessary.

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5. The only Valentine’s Day you acknowledge is the 2010 film starring Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Bradley Cooper.

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6. Honestly, you’re just too busy for all of this.

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7. You care so little about V-Day that obnoxious couples’ Instagrams don’t even bother you at this point. Your eyes don’t even really register them.

8. Valentine’s Day snacks are pretty dumb, and you only pay attention to holidays with strong snack games.

(Though reduced-price chocolate on Feb. 15 is clutch.)

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9. You already have romantic dinners throughout the year anyways.

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10. In conclusion: You’re a simple girl with simple needs, and Valentine’s Day is wayyyyy overblown.

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Besides, year after year, a corgi holding a rose fails to show up at your door, so you’ve learned to stop getting your hopes up.

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