The movies may be over, but the sick, masochistic lion and stupid lamb live are forever

By Kiran Hefa Cara Lynn Shultz
November 21, 2013 08:30 AM
Summit Entertainment

Do you have a hankering for mushroom ravioli?

Do you wish there were more red Chevys on the road?

Does your perfect boyfriend wear body glitter and tons of beige?

If so, you’re going through Twilight withdrawal. For the first time in five years, there is no new Twilight film debuting just in time for the holidays. That’s right, the first Twilight, which introduced us to Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and the word “spider monkey” as a term of endearment, premiered five years ago on November 21, 2008.

Much has happened in the half a decade since, including the rise and fall of Robsten’s off-screen romance, and the adaptation of The Hunger Games novels, effectively changing the debate from Edward vs. Jacob to Peeta vs. Gale. Which is why there’s no better time than now to pay tribute to the sparkliest of all vampires in the now vampire-laden pop culture universe (Jonathan Rhys Meyers, you’re so 2000-and-late). Here are the top takeaways we made from The Twilight Saga:

1. Kristen Stewart Bites Her Lip. A Lot

Let’s hope Florabotanica makes lip balm.

2. For Never-Changing Vampires, Their Hairdos Change ALL THE TIME

Clockwise from left: Driving on the highway with the top down; soccer mom; swim cap; cut it with cuticle scissors.

3. Always Use a Condom with a Vampire

Because your baby will try to kill you, and when it’s born, it will look like this: (Watch the video and scream).

4. No One Hates Twilight As Much As Robert Pattinson

And we mean no one.

5. But Nobody Ever Loved Twilight More Than This Lady

And we mean no one.