While The Onion seems to think Gale is the obvious choice for Katniss, we wildly disagree – and we're going to prove it

By Kiran Hefa
Updated November 22, 2013 04:45 PM
Credit: Everett

On the eve of the release of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, there’s one question that’s on the minds of everyone heading to the theaters: Team Peeta or Team Gale?

The Onion made its choice when it posted a mock review narrated by critic Peter K. Rosenthal on Thursday, in which he proclaims, “If Gale is a 10, then Peeta is only like a 6 Gale is super hot. He’s a much hotter boy than Peeta.”

The video has quickly gone viral, and while we love The Onion for getting to the real heart of the matter, we feel the need to step in on Josh Hutcherson’s behalf and defend his obviously underappreciated face (and character). Here’s why Peeta is actually the hottest boy in all of Panem:

1. He can bake
We know there’s many other reasons to have led with, and we’ll get to them, but let’s be clear about this: being with Peeta is literally having your cake, and eating it too – because he will make it for you after you’ve cuddled.

2. He’s jacked

Sure Gale can hunt, but can he hurl sacks of flour across the room? No, probably not, which means he’d probably be bad at helping you move the furniture around in your dream home. Heck, with guns like those, Peeta could probably even build the dream home.

3. He’s a natural charmer
But did you see his interviews with Caesar Flickerman? And at the end of the day, what’s more important than a boy who can make you laugh?

4. He’s loyal

Poor Peeta has pined for Katniss for so long, and even in the face of death, he does not put his feelings for her aside, instead orchestrating a PR strategy to help endear her to the Hunger Games viewers and siding with the enemy in the hopes of ensuring her survival. Not to mention, there’s no Gale-like counterpart in his life. It’s all Katniss, all the way.

5. He always puts Katniss first

How quickly Rosenthal has forgotten that when push came to shove and Seneca Crane revoked the caveat that allowed there to be two winners from the same district, Peeta was willing to die so Katniss could survive. We didn’t see Gale volunteer as a tribute, now did we?

6. His smile
To make it through a Hunger Games, you need something to hold on to, to look forward to, a reason for believing there is still good in the world – and Peeta’s grin is that ray of hope, as well as a thing of beauty.

But for the record: If Gale had been played by Chris Hemsworth, we’d be having a different conversation.