At long last, Adam Sandler's immortal holiday jam is updated to reflect the current zeitgeist

By Alex Heigl
Updated November 27, 2013 04:00 PM
Alan Singer/NBC/Getty

Adam Sandler‘s “The Chanukah Song” first appeared on Saturday Night Live nearly 20 years ago, and ever since then, it’s been a soothing comedic balm for Jewish children who feel alienated during the Christmas season. And while Sandler has sporadically updated the song, he hasn’t done so for 10-plus years, so we decided to help him out with some culturally appropriate references.

Sing along with us:

Daniel Radcliffe lights the menorah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli

ScarJo‘s half Jewish, James Franco too

Put them together, what a fine lookin’ Jew

You don’t need “Deck The Halls” or “Jingle Bell Rock”

‘Cause you can spin a dreidel with the Gyllenhaals or Gabriel Macht – all Jewish!

Mike Tyson, not a Jew / But guess who is?

Boston Red Sox Kevin You- (-kilis)

Drake‘s mom is Jewish – not too shabby

Some people think that Jason Biggs is / Well, he’s not, but Jon Stewart is

So many Jews are in showbiz Bruce Springsteen isn’t, but I heard his agent is

(all together now)

Tell your friend Veronica

It’s time to celebrate Chanukah

I hope I get a harmonica

Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah

So drink your gin and tonic-ah

And smoke your marijuan-ikah

If you really, really wanna-kah

Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah