STEP 1: THROW SOMETHING BREAKABLE AT HIM
According to Swift’s latest single, “Blank Space,” romantic relationships fall into two extremes: 1. It’s gonna be forever. 2. It’s gonna go down in flames. And when it’s the latter, time to roll up your sleeves – stylishly, though, because you’re a nightmare dressed like a daydream – for some sweet, sweet revenge. In the 1989 singer’s music video, she first shows her text-ually reckless boyfriend she means business by breaking something … you know, besides her heart.
STEP 2: CUT OFF HIS COMMUNICATION WITH OTHER WOMEN
Do you know what happens when you drop a cell in a fountain? Long story short, Swift’s music video boyfriend will not be sending any more flirty texts. Or sexts. Or Snapchats. Or selfies. Or emoji hearts. And good luck swiping left on anyone when your iPhone’s waterlogged.
STEP 3: TRASH HIS IMAGE
Tearing up a photo of the guy you used to love and flushing it down the toilet is so JV. Swift’s alter-ego has varsity-level destruction skills: She takes a knife to a painting she did of him, slashing it to shreds then leaving it on the wall in its gilded frame for guests to see.
STEP 4: GO EDWARD SCISSORHANDS ON HIS CLOSET
If you thought it was bad when Beyoncé put “Blank Space” girl and her snip-happy ways will really shock you.
STEP 5: THEN BURN HIS CLOTHES FOR GOOD MEASURE
You know, just in case he thought he’d still get wear out of that nipple-revealing button-down. You can never be too thorough.
STEP 6: CHANNEL THE EVIL QUEEN FROM SNOW WHITE
We have no words.
STEP 7: RUIN SOMETHING HE REALLY LOVES
Treat all of his belongings with the same care and consideration he gave your feelings.
STEP 8: USE CAKE AS ANGER MANAGEMENT
Eating Ben amp Jerry’s is comforting and all, but baking a cake then stabbing it until bloodlike filling comes out is much more cathartic.
STEP 9: STAND ON A HORSE
Classic revenge move. Classic.
STEP 10: RUIN SOMETHING YOU LOVED TOGETHER
If a heartbroken girl destroys the tree she carved her initials into with her boyfriend and no one is there to Instagram it, did they even break up?
STEP 11: RUIN YOUR MASCARA
And when you’re done messing up your makeup, treat yourself to a pint of ice cream (or whatever’s left of the cake). Revenge is hard work.
STEP 12: MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONE
Looks like that blank space is still up for grabs after all.