The David Beckham Guide to Taking Your Shirt Off
The former Sexiest Man Alive turns 45 on May 2
STEP 1: TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF
This is important.
STEP 2: ASSESS YOUR LOCATION
Where are you? As a rule of thumb, we don't recommend taking off your shirt in notably quiet settings, food and beverage establishments and anywhere you might accidentally run into Mrs. Flowers, your fourth-grade geography teacher. (Unless, of course, you are David Beckham, then please, by all means, take your shirt off anywhere and everywhere and any time.)
STEP 3: CONSIDER HEADING TO A MORE TROPICAL LOCATION
STEP 4: MAKE EVERYONE WISH THEY, TOO, WERE WITH YOU AT SAID TROPICAL LOCATION
This is going to come as a huge surprise, so we hope you're sitting down: The beach is way better than the office! It's true! Remember: You heard it here first!
STEP 5: NOW, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR FACE
David, you can just skip to Step 12.
STEP 7: KEEP STARING INTO THE DISTANCE
You mysterious person, you.
STEP 6: IF YOU'RE NOT SURE WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR FACE, JUST STARE OFF INTO THE DISTANCE
Pro tip: Contemplate the meaning of life, your childhood, what makes pizza so good.
STEP 8: OKAY, YOU CAN STOP STARING
Now, look at your adoring fans.
STEP 9: PITY THEM, FOR THEY ARE NOT AS GLORIOUSLY SHIRTLESS AS YOU
Shake their hands. Smile. Be kind, for you were not always this gloriously shirtless – don't you remember what that was like?
STEP 10: OH, MAYBE GO FOR A RUN OR SOMETHING
You know, if you plan on staying shirtless for a while.
STEP 11: ASK FOR HELP
Preferably from your wife.
STEP 12: GET COMFORTABLE
Taking off your shirt isn't so much of a choice as it is a lifestyle, so make this moment last as long as you can. And if you're David Beckham, we mean forever.