Or maybe a few she can bank for 29

By Alex Heigl
November 20, 2015 09:45 AM

So, Adele’s 25 is about as peak Adele as it’s possible for an album to get. If you didn’t spend the past few weeks sobbing while listening to “Hello,” it’s very likely one of the other tracks on the album will force you to cry whatever tears you thought you had left. (The album, by the way, is great. I’m not knocking it. I love being sad.)

Based on what I’ve heard of it – which is the entire thing, in chunks as long as I can take it, spread over several hours – here are a few songs I believe may have been left on the studio floor.

“Crying a Sad Cry for My Sadness”

“For This One, I’m Gonna Recite the Last Scene of Toy Story 3

“I Have This Paper Cut”

“Kitten Orphanage”

“Probably Just Two Massive Emotional/Vocal Crescendos in This One”

“Remember When Old Yeller Died?”

“A Loop of Samuel Barber’s ‘Adagio for Strings’ and the Wikipedia Page for ‘Tragédie en Musique’ ”

“We All Used to Be Younger Than We Are Now and Soon We’ll Be Older Than That”

“This Body of Water Is Not a Metaphor”

“Drown in My Tears (Not the Ray Charles Song But Something I’m Actually in Danger of Doing)”

“That Hemingway Short Story About the Baby Shoes”

“That Hemingway Story About the White Elephants”

“Let’s Start This One with Some Somber Piano and See What Happens”

“Fetal Position in the Shower Blues”

“The Name I’ve Given My Mountain of Regrets Is Stephen”

“Texting My Ex and Then Immediately Deleting It so I Don’t Have To See Their Name in My Recent Messages”

“For Dinner Tonight, I’m Eating Soup on My Couch”

“Silently Rocking Back and Forth in a Dark Room”