"The guy's parrot tried to attack me."

By Maria Yagoda
November 03, 2016 12:34 PM
Martin Dimitrov/Getty

One-night stands are all fun and games until you wake up and see that that the guy’s dog ate your favorite pair of heels. (True story.)

These 12 Redditors shared their worst, most cringe-inducing morning-after tales … and they’re pretty awkward.

1. “The guy’s parrot tried to attack me.”

2. “One night I was out with friends and met a gal who was a school teacher. One thing led to another, and she followed me home. About eleven the next morning, she was ready to leave. She had on her little black dress from the night before and was carrying her shoes for a quick run to the car in the driveway. Standing just inside the front door we said our goodbyes, she turned to go, and I closed the door. About five seconds later she came bursting back in looking like she’d seen a ghost. ‘I can’t leave!’ she said breathlessly. ‘Why?’ ‘Because two of my students are playing in your front yard.’ After about a half hour the kids went in for lunch, and she made her getaway. But later that afternoon there was a knock on my door, and there stood Jimmy and Samantha. ‘What’s up?’ I asked. ‘What was Miss Fillmore’s car doing in your driveway this morning?’ I explained that I was being tutored.”


3. “I wanted to leave quickly, but when I got downstairs, I noticed bits of my favorite heels all over the place. His dog ate them.”

4. “Five minutes after getting dressed, she tells me she feels weird about it and wants to get back together with her ex boyfriend. She had to chill another hour at my place and then needed me to take her to the train station because she didn’t know my town. That kiss on the cheek before she got on the train killed me.”

5. “She made me the worst eggs I have ever eaten and ruined my whole morning.”


6. “On Halloween like ten years ago I went home with a gal dressed as Minnie. After we hooked up, I’m in her bathroom looking for contact lens solution. To my great pleasure, I find some. I snag a couple shot glasses, fill them with solution, take out and soak contacts and pass out. I get up right around sunrise and try to make a hasty exit before she gets up. I put on my contacts and it burns really badly. I didn’t know it then, but I’d placed my contacts in a different type of solution that you’re not supposed to soak your lenses in. It’s essentially bleach. I’m blind without my lenses, so I stumble out contacts still in and eyes burning like crazy. Adding insult to injury, my phone is dead, so I can’t call a cab, and I’m wearing cowboy boots one size too small, and my car is at least 3 miles away. Worst walk of shame ever.”

7. “Surprise visit from his girlfriend.”

8. “She had stolen 200 dollars from my wallet, and her phone number was fake.”

9. “I started my period and didn’t have any products with me.”


10. “I had almost no memory of the night before or who she was. I had no idea where I was. My phone had no battery. I had no money and a killer hangover. It took an agonizing four hours to get home.”

11. “This dude was so adorable and perfect AND he lived right next door to my favorite restaurant in town. I asked him if he wanted to go for breakfast and he got really apologetic and told me no because he was moving that day. Like, to another town. We’re still friends, but he lives in another town and we never had breakfast together.”

12. “I woke up to her dad banging on the door for her to wake up.”

All posts have been edited from Reddit for length and clarity.