Were we ever so young?

By Alex Heigl
Updated August 20, 2014 08:00 AM
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“We weren’t there, but it feels like we were there,” Bianna Golodryga said while reporting on the marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries on Good Morning, America, unwittingly speaking for the entire nation.

E!’s four-hour, two-night special allowed us, the masses, to witness an event we were sure would be a once in a lifetime affair. Were we ever so young?

Other notable events from August of 2011:

  • The worldwide stock exchange suffers, thanks to Europe’s sovereign debt crisis and the U.S.’s inability to resolve the debt-ceiling issue.
  • The Battle of Tripoli (August 20-28), in which Libyan rebels seize the nation’s capital, overthrowing Muammar Gaddafi’s government.
  • August 23: A rare Eastern-seaboard earthquake with a 5.8 magnitude strikes Virginia. The Virginia Seismic Zone’s faults rupture, and tremors can be felt as far away as New York City.
  • August 28: Hurricane Irene hits the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast coast. Nine million homes lose power, 55 fatalities occur in the Caribbean and U. S. fatalities. Vermont suffers the worst floods it’s seen in 100 years.

But unlike the U.S. banking system, Kim Wedding 1.0 was not too big to fail. 72 short days later, we were unable to pull our eyes away from the marriage’s drastic implosion, and no amount of rent shirts, of eyes cast skyward in dismay, or cries hurled to a cold, unfeeling universe, could ever undo the split.

The second season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York offered something of a post-mortem: One of the many exchanges that may have offered a hint to the union’s dissolution was the following exchange: “How am I going to have my career and live in Minnesota?” Kim asked Kris at one point, responding to his suggestion the pair move to his hometown. “Baby, by the time you have kids and they re in school, nobody will probably care about you,” Kris responded. Ah, like a vintage screwball comedy, those two.

Three years later, we’re all a little older and a little wiser. Kris Humphries now plays for the Washington Wizards, and the pair’s divorce is a little over a year old. Kim, as you may have heard, found a new husband, Mr. Kanye West, with whom she has a daughter, North.

But we’ll always remember where we were the first time Kim wed someone whose name started with “k.”

Time is a flat circle.