ADDRESS RUMORS WITH A PHOTO
Answer everyone’s questions – say, “Are you dating Hailey Baldwin?” or whatever – without having to use your words.
DON'T STRESS OVER PICTURE QUALITY
Grainy is the new visible.
POST INCRIMINATING PICS OF YOURSELF BEFORE OTHERS DO
The Biebs seems distracted.
SIMILARLY: POKE FUN AT YOUR MAN BUN BEFORE OTHERS DO
We’re not okay with how into it we are.
POST A THROWBACK OF YOUR EX TWO WEEKS IN A ROW
Keep the world – and your ex – guessing what possible end game you have in mind.
People like jokes, especially ones that involve Steve Harvey’s face. Even better: jokes that involve Steve Harvey’s face superimposed on someone else’s body.
HAVE SOMEONE TAKES PICTURES OF YOU SLEEPING EVERY NIGHT
POST SELFIES, YES … BUT NOT EVERY DAY
You don’t want to be that person. Bieber only posts a selfie every other week or so – which means that when he does, the pic makes much more of an impact. (Impact = millions of Beliebers shrieking ’round the world.)
BE CRYPTIC AS HELL
Keep people interested in your life by posting questionably Photoshopped photos with confusing two-word captions.