They pale in comparison to insult comic Don Rickles, claims the rock star

By Debra Lewis Boothman
Updated December 12, 2008 10:40 AM
Credit: Lester Cohen/WireImage; Stephen Shugerman/Getty

John Mayer has a stern message for those online columnists who poke fun at celebs.

“Snarky gossip bloggers, take heed,” Mayer, 31, writes on his blog. “You will never have a better knack for cutting people down than Don Rickles does” – a reference to the legendary funnyman who insults everyone, including members of his audiences.

“You owe much of your success – both pecuniary and otherwise – to the groundwork laid by [Rickles],” insists Mayer.

After watching Rickles, 82, perform at Connecticut’s Foxwoods Casino on Nov. 15, Mayer says, “He made Perez Hilton look like a sycophant. Nobody – and I mean nobody – has what it takes to point out a morbidly obese man in the front row and call him out on it in song” – noting that the man laughed hysterically.

The lesson learned?

Says the rocker: “If you’re going to make someone laugh at the absurd, tell some truth with it; if you’re going to make someone cry, give them a silver lining to look to; and if you’re going to insult someone, as the legendary Don Rickles has for the last 55 years, always end it with a wink and a smile.”

Suggests Champagne, Too

And often, it’s not just a wink, says Mayer, who’s often a subject for bloggers thanks to his his relationship with Jennifer Aniston.

“After ribbing two men on stage, making fun of both them and their wives,” he writes, “he had handlers walk bottles of champagne to their seats, thanking them for playing along and suggesting they enjoy the bottles in their hotel rooms while making love.”

“It doesn’t make the bite any less sharp,” writes Mayer, “but it invites people to return to the lion’s cage Wouldn’t it be nice, every once in a while, to read some sort of evidence of heart? ”

The guitar hero’s prediction? Says Mayer: “Mark my words: The gossip-monger whose style closest resembles that of Don Rickles’ mastery of tension and release will stay successful the longest.”