According to autopsy and toxicology reports obtained by PEOPLE, Cathriona White, 30, who fatally overdosed on prescription medication in Sept. 2015 shortly after breaking up with Carrey, was found with a suicide note addressed to the actor.
“I’ve spent 3 days now in disbelief that you’re not here. I can go on brokenhearted and try to put the pieces back. I could, I just don’t have the will this time,” she wrote in a note found by police. She added, “I’m sorry you felt I wasn’t there for you. I tried to give you my best part.”
White also discusses plans for her funeral, writing, “I don’t really know about burial or that sort of thing. You are my family so whatever you choose will be fine.”
She also requested that her possessions be sold and given to her family.
She adds, “Please forgive me. I’m just not for this world,” before signing off with the “Dewdrop,” presumably a nickname Carrey called her.
The Ireland native and Carrey, 53, first met on a film set in 2012 and had been dating on and off ever since. According to the autopsy report, friends told police the couple had broken up about a week before her suicide. A friend of White’s, Dennis Bradshaw, told officers that she was normally happy and upbeat, but was prone to get “really down.” Bradshaw said that White had mentioned missing her family in Ireland, but added that she was “madly in love with Jim” and called their relationship a “rollercoaster.”
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The toxicology report confirms that the death was a suicide and that White had a variety of prescription pills in her system at the time of her death, including propranolol (a beta blocker used to treat high blood pressure), zolpidem (a sleep aid sold as Ambien), and painkillers oxycodone and oxymorphone.
When police discovered White’s body at home on her bed, they found three prescription bottles on a bedside table all prescribed to Arthur King. The report notes that when police checked White’s phone, they found texts from Carrey asking if she “knew where his painkillers went from under his sink.” He also mentioned that a bottle of prescription anti-inflammatories was missing. According to the report, “it appears likely that the bottles for ‘Arthur King’ found on her beside table were the prescriptions [Carrey] was referring to.” Other prescription pills prescribed to White were also found at the scene.
After her death, Carrey issued an emotional note saying he’s “deeply saddened by the passing of my sweet Cathriona.” He added, “She was a truly kind and delicate Irish flower, too sensitive for this soil, to whom loving and being loved was all that sparkled.”