She opens up about struggling to conceive twins Max and Emme
Credit: Evan Agostini/AP

Jennifer Lopez says she was “selfish” for the first time in her life while she was pregnant with twins Max and Emme, who are now 6 months old.

Midway through her pregnancy, Lopez had just finished her concert tour with husband Marc Anthony last fall when she told him she needed him to take the reins, she tells Elle magazine in its October issue cover story. “I said, ‘I did the superwoman thing, I finished the tour – now I need you to take care of me,'” said Lopez, 39.

“‘I love doing things for you; if I’m not cooking, then I’m picking out a shirt. But this is the first time in my life where I’m just going to be a little bit selfish,'” she told Anthony, who turns 40 on Sept. 16. “‘I don t know if I’m going to have kids again, so I want it to be a beautiful experience. I don’t want to have any drama. I want to just be smiling every day.'”

The actress, who is currently training for her first triathalon, says she and her husband of four years didn’t worry when she didn’t get pregnant right away. “We knew nothing was wrong with either one of us – I had been checked, and he had kids already,” she told Elle. “I knew [that] something s not ready here, in my head or in my life, and when it is, I know it s going to happen.

As for the moment she realized she was pregnant, she reveals, “I was sitting down doing hair and makeup and I felt a flutter. The weirdest little … flourish. My makeup artist said ‘What s the matter?’ I didn t say anything, but in my head, I was like, I have life inside me!

Two weeks before giving birth, Lopez commissioned a special gift for her husband – a book of photos of herself. Says Lopez: “I was like, ‘How am I going to rock this moment of my life? … I felt very womanly. Marc was in a dream. He loved it.”