Is Jay-Z a time-traveling vampire? All evidence points to yes

By Kelli Bender
December 04, 2013 11:00 AM
Johnny Nunez/WireImage

Jay Z is on to the next one. The rapper, mogul and King to Beyoncé‘s Queen Bey, turned 44 on Wednesday.

There is bound to be a glamorous celebration, filled with gorgeous people and fare catering to Jay Z’s new vegan diet, but we are more concerned about the mystery that surrounds this man. How is it that Jay Z is 44 when he still looks 28?

The answer is simple. Jay Z is immortal. One of those rumored humans who happened upon the fountain of youth and shall now remain ageless and eternally awesome. To support our theory – that is obviously cemented in scientific fact – here are 6 signs that H.O.V.A. is truly immortal.

Beyoncamp#233; and Jay Z, 2012
James Devaney/WireImage

Commercial space travel won’t be Jetsons lore for much longer thanks to billionaires like Richard Branson working on sending extremely wealthy people into space. But Jay Z and his wife Beyoncé don’t want a simple ride to the moon, they want to use the universe as a backdrop for the first music video filmed among the stars. Technology isn’t quite ready for this, but the rapper doesn’t seem too concerned. Obviously he’s planning on being around until space is ready for him.

1939 Jay Z Doppelgamp#228;nger and Jay Z, 2013
Sid Grossman/The Schomburg Center; INF

This year, New York Public Library’s Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture posted a photo on their Tumblr of a chap from 1939 that has an eerie resemblance to Jay Z. The well-dressed man could simply be a doppelgänger, or he could be proof that the rapper is a time-traveling vampire who has been looking fly in New York City for many decades. You decide.

For those vampire skeptics, here is something more based in reality. Gaze upon Jay Z’s 1995 video “In My Lifetime,” and follow it with a viewing of 2013’s “Picasso Baby.” 18 years passed between these clips, but the only difference we see between the two Jays is that his white shirt now has sleeves.

4. Illuminati Magic

Jay Z, 2012
Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Illuminati rumors have followed Jay Z ever since he started tossing up his signature triangle sign. With roots back to 1776, this purported modern version of the Bavarian secret society is said to have a whole range of powers including box office control, political sway and immortality. The rapper doesn’t seem like the typical member of a Bavarian occult, but he must have gotten his beauty secrets from somewhere.

“Forever Young”, eh Jay Z? Sounds like a confession to us.

Beyoncamp#233;, Blue Ivy Carter, 1, and Jay Z in 2013
Macca/Splash News Online

The more logical definition of immortality is about keeping your lineage alive. Jay Z is on his way with his adorable daughter Blue Ivy Carter. Even if the rapper does begin to grow long in the tooth, he will always have his own mini-me ready to take the throne.