Hilary Duff is not only on the market, she’s shopping at the market like it’s her job.
Fine, we’ll drop the euphemisms. Duff is dating again, as she shows the world in the fun new music video for her single, “Sparks,” in which she creates a Tinder profile, swipes around a bit and goes on a series of dates with dudes who will never, ever be that lucky again.
While it’s heartening to see a gorgeous, fit, used-to-be-Lizzie-McGuire star experiment with online dating just like the rest of us, her experience on Tinder – at least as it’s represented in the video – seems slightly off. Online dating can be fun and funky and giggly, yes, but the realities, especially of an app like Tinder, are typically less rosy. Let’s take a look.
Hilary on Tinder: She pulls off duck face in her profile photo and has a cute and snappy bio.
World on Tinder: We don’t pull off duck face in our profile photo and have two obscure but personally meaningful quotes in our bio, plus scattered emojis to show how carefree we are.
Hilary on Tinder: Someone finds out she’s on Tinder and posts it on Reddit, so she gives an adorable radio interview about why she joined.
World on Tinder: Random cousin finds out you’re on Tinder and tells your mom about it, who then offers to buys you a JDate subscription for your birthday.
Hilary on Tinder: “I’m into Tom. He’s hot.”
World on Tinder: “Why is Tom wearing a cowboy hat over his junk?”
Hilary on Tinder: “I’ve always met people through work. I’ve never been on a blind date.”
World on Tinder: “I’ve never been on a date not facilitated by a dating app.”
Hilary on Tinder: “What’s the worst that can happen?”
World on Tinder: “What’s the worst that can happen? Death, for one. Or: listening to him talk about his post-punk garage band that’s ‘completely blowing up right now,’ then having him show you all the ‘hilarious’ memes he posts on Instagram.”
Hilary on Tinder: Shows up to date with a group of girlfriends for emotional support.
World on Tinder: Texts friends throughout the date so they know you’re alive, all while live-Tweeting the whole encounter so the world knows you don’t take yourself too seriously.
Hilary on Tinder: “I want to know what it is to connect with someone.”
World on Tinder: “I want to know what it is to make out with a rando on a weeknight.”
Hilary on Tinder: Swipes right for a guy because he likes Sriracha, cheese and vodka.
World on Tinder: Swipes right for a guy because he likes Sriracha, cheese and vodka, is taller than you and owns a pug.