Her What Itched?! The Most Epic Quotes from the Golden Globes
"I won't break any laws."
– Ricky Gervais, on his Golden Globes hosting gig
"I would have given an arm and a leg and a kidney."
– Olivia Wilde, on how she would compensate babysitters to care for her son Otis
"This is my Carrie [Bradshaw] phone. I'm not ashamed to say I love that show."
– Best original song nominee Charlie Puth, proclaiming his love of Sex and the City while using his hands as a flip phone to retell a story
"My vagina itched, and I asked if I could address it and you said no."
– Trainwreck nominee Amy Schumer, wondering what she could actually say on-air to Ryan Seacrest on the E! red carpet
"When you're me, it never gets adjusted. Kate Hudson loves this pose."
– Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, on his signature Instagram pose
"For me, she's my hero because she's not afraid to vocalize or live in her truth. I think that's what people really admire about here."
– Empire nominee Taraji P. Henson, on her on-screen alter ego Cookie Lyon
"I had a glass of wine and cigarette and said a prayer in the car."
– Lady Gaga, on how she prepped for the Golden Globes as a first-time nominee (for American Horror Story: Hotel)
"I took a selfie with a black wig and glasses, and I tried to make myself look as Armenian as I could."
– Kate Winslet, on landing her Globe-winning role in Steve Jobs
"Hi, I'm Eva Longoria … not Eva Mendes."
"And I'm America Ferrera … not Gina Rodriguez."
"And neither one of us are Rosario Dawson."
"Well said, Salma."
"Thank you, Charro."
– Eva Longoria and America Ferrera, introducing themselves on-stage before presenting the Golden Globe for best actor in a TV drama
Jennifer: "As women in Hollywood, people have a lot of pre-conceived notions about us."
Amy: "Yeah, like they're just like, 'Oh Jenny, so pretty and everyone likes them, and wants to hang out with them, and they seem so fun to be around, ugh, they should be models.' "
– Presenters and BFFs Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer bantering about their envy-inducing friendship
"And my wife, oh my god, thank you for making me the happiest man alive, you make all my dreams come true. Thank you Hollywood for letting me do what I do for the last four decades. Thank you so much."
– Best supporting actor in a TV series winner Christian Slater in his acceptance speech
"And the winner is Straight Outta Compton. I'm sorry, folks. I made a mistake. It's right here on the card. It's right here on the card, I take full responsibility. I apologize to everybody in Compton. I apologize to Ice Cube."
– Jamie Foxx, pulling a prank on the Golden Globes crowd during the presentation for best original score
"Thanks to Mr. Weiner who wrote this horrible person all the way through to the end of this incredible ride and picked me to play him. And also thank you for not taking my suggestion and ending the entire series on Chumbawamba. You picked the right song."
– Best actor in a TV drama winner Jon Hamm on his infamous Mad Men character and love for "Tubthumping"
"I'm a 2-year-old bear from the Sierra mountains and you took a chance on me …This ribbon is for honey awareness."
– Jonah Hill, as the bear from The Revenant while presenting
"Who I know in real life would never bury me and leave me out in the cold to die like that."
– Best actor in a drama movie winner Leonardo DiCaprio thanking his The Revenant castmate Tom Hardy
"We almost didn't have a show. We made a pilot for another network and they rejected it. And we sent the pilot to every other network in Hollywood and we got six rejections in one day and we felt like crap. But we knew it was good."
– Rachel Bloom, recounting the road to bringing her show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend to life while accepting her first-ever Golden Globe for best actress in a TV comedy
"Is this like a Montessori type of thing, everyone gets a trophy?"
– Ryan Gosling faux complaining about having to share stage time with Brad Pitt
"When Brad and Angelina see our next two adorable presenters, they're going to want to adopt them. Please welcome Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong."
– Ricky Gervais, introducing presenters Hart and Jeong to the stage
"Wrap it up? I waited 20 years for this."
– Taraji P. Henson, upon hearing the music prompting the newly minted Golden Globe winner to end her acceptance speech