Friday the 13th: Jason Voorhees Joins the Cast of Friday's Latest Movie Releases

Why are so many children's movies coming out on Friday the 13th, anyway?

Photo: Photo Illustration by Linzi Silverman

Another month, another Friday the 13th. If you, like us, can’t hear that without thinking of a certain hockey-mask-wearing icon, then these posters are for you.

We looked at the movies coming out on this, traditionally, most unlucky of all days, and improved them ever so slightly by subtly adding Jason Voorhees to their casts.

We smell hits. Many, many hits.

Illustrations by Linzi Silverman for


We think the ball would have gone verrrrrry differently for Cinderella in this version of the film.


IMDb describes this film as “a gritty story of a take-no-prisoners war between dirty cops and an outlaw biker gang. A drug kingpin is driven to desperate measures.” Replace half those words with “Jason” and the other half with “machete” and you’ve upped your weekend grosses significantly.

The Cobbler

Given that Adam Sandler‘s latest high-concept feel-good flick involves a magical sewing machine that lets him assume the appearance of the person whose shoes it fixes, this could actually be a plausible twist in the film.

Home Sweet Hell

Can you imagine a Jason Voorhees-anchored rom-com? The meet-cute for that film would be insane. And you don’t even have to change the tag line!

Frozen Fever

It’s shocking that someone hasn’t released a lip-dub of Jason gleefully murdering people while apparently singing “Let It Go.” We never ever thought we’d say this, but you let us down, Internet.

Run All Night

Honestly, after all those Taken movies, Liam Neeson‘s body count probably rivals Jason’s. But did Jason ever fight a bunch of wolves? We don’t think so.

It Follows

Consider the description of this film: “After a young girl gets involved in a sexual confrontation, she is followed by an unknown force.” So, yeah, basically this flick has the same plot as Friday the 13th anyway.

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