There’s nothing like remembering your first kiss to make you appreciate being older, wiser and far less socially awkward.
These 21 Reddit stories of “disastrous,” “awkward,” and “blood-smeared” – that’s right, “blood-smeared” – first kisses are sure to make you cringe.
1. “It was disastrous. She was feeling brave and wanted to bite my lip, but I got scared, pulled away and head-butted her. Her nose bled for about three minutes. Needless to say, we never talked again.”
2. “I was like 14, and we were at a school dance. I was dancing with this blonde girl in a glittery white dress and really glossy lips, and I was looking around the room to try and find one of my friends so they could see how awesome I was I stopped looking around the room, looked back at her and she was like an inch from my face. In my startled state, we locked lips for a solid one second before I jolted in surprise and headbutted/knocked teeth with her.”
3. “I closed my eyes and kissed her nose.”
4. “We were lying on our friend’s bed at a party, under a ceiling full of those little glow-in-the dark stars. I hadn’t thought about kissing her, ever. But, for some strange reason, I just went for it. She had no idea it was coming. She said no and kinda ran away. ”
5. “I was so nervous that I didn’t even realize he was kissing me.”
6. “I was at Target with the girl who would be my first girlfriend. I tried to push her against a wall to be sexy, but ended up pushing her over a bike rack.”
7. “She farted two seconds in.”
8. “I felt like she was attacking my face. That really was my first thought.”
9. “My face was completely swallowed, digested and regurgitated back up. I stole his vodka while his eyes were still closed, ran away and cried to all my 15-year-old pals.”
10. “I kissed him after the movie. He then ran away and avoided me for three months. I thought I’d screwed up somehow. It turns out he though the date went wonderful and was just nervous.”
11. “A couple of friends of mine made a bet to kiss, but wouldn’t do it unless the chick who made the bet with them kissed me. They did, and she kissed me while I just stood there. I earned the name ‘Stonewall’ after that.”
12. “My first kiss was at 18. I barely knew her, but she took a liking to me. I went to help her find her purse, and she shoved her tongue down my throat. I responded in kind.”
13. “I was so nervous I kissed her chin.”
14. “It was horrible. I cried because I thought I wasn’t good at it. He also was unhappy because I distracted him from Halo for said bad kiss.”
15. “It was in an alleyway somewhere. It’s fair to say I didn’t know exactly what to do. I sort of mashed my lips against hers and placed my tongue firmly in her mouth. Then, after a second or two, tongue still lodged between her teeth, I mumbled, ‘What now?'”
16. “My lip got caught in her braces.”
17. “I was 14, and it was at a school dance. There was a girl who I’d had a crush on for a while, and we were dancing in that awkward high school kind of way, slowly getting closer and closer. I was trying to build up the courage to kiss her, and eventually just forced myself to do it. I pulled my head off her shoulder and went for it, but right at that moment she turned to scratch her nose, and I ended up kissing a mouthful of her hair.”
18. “It was gross. I was just starting high school and sort of dating this sophomore guy. We were sitting next to each other on the band bus. He used tongue right off the bat, and when I said, ‘I’ve never done this before,’ he said, ‘I can tell.'”
19. “I was watching a movie with my girlfriend, and I told myself that by the end I would have kissed her. Credits started rolling, and I still hadn’t done it. I turned to her and instead of going in for one and asked her if I could. She said yes, but it was the shortest, most awkward kiss I’ve ever had.”
20. “I was 12, and a long-time guy friend and I decided to kiss just to see what it was like. He grabbed the back of my head, held it in place so I couldn’t pull away and rammed his tongue as far into my mouth as he could. Then he started kind of … half-jabbing, half-lapping at the inside of my mouth with it. I could barely move my own tongue. I wound up gagging. He thought it was awesome and wanted to do it again. We did not.”
21. “My nose started to bleed while we were kissing, and I didn’t say anything. We just kept going. Afterwards we both had blood smeared all over our faces.”
All posts have been edited from Reddit for length and clarity.