The 10 Weirdest Fifty Shades of Grey Products You Can Buy Your Boo This Valentine's Day
DETOX SUGAR SCRUB
To clean yourself up after you've been a baaad girl. Only to be used if Mr. Grey permits you to.
FIFTY SHADES TEDDY BEAR
For the low, low price of $90, you too can snuggle up with an ursine version of Christian Grey, complete with "smoldering eyes, a suit and satin tie."
This soap purports to leave your guy's skin "soft and smelling like CG." With just the right hint of manliness, its scent is seductive "without being too dominant" (tee hee).
MINI COPIES OF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
Because what self-respecting Fifty Shades fan would let their dolls read anything else?
SEPHORA'S 'GIVE IN TO ME' MAKEUP KIT
Whether you're going out for a helicopter ride across Seattle or staying in for a quality spanking, this makeup will keep you looking your best. (But it's not like you need makeup, right? I mean you're, like, naturally pretty. Even if you try to hide it under those frumpy clothes. What, you didn't know?)
FIFTY SHADES OF SIN BEARD OIL
We're going to let the product description take the reins here: "If whips and chains excite your woman, then this beard oil is for you." Seeing that Mr. Grey is decidedly clean-shaven, we're not quite sure how the idea of Fifty Shades-inspired beard oil came about, unless Christian is planning a move to Brooklyn that we're not aware of.
A 30-MINUTE SUMMARY OF FIFTY SHADES
Want to know what all the hype's about, but can't bring yourself to read the 530-page book? Pick up this InstaRead Summary and become a Fifty Shades expert in a half-hour (or less!). You'll be biting your lip in no time.
CHRISTIAN GREY MERMAN ORNAMENT
BDSM meets "Under the Sea"! Spice up your holidays with this unique Christmas tree decoration, complete with grey tie and just the right dusting of chest hair.
RED ROOM OF PAIN VACATION RENTAL
Heading to London anytime soon? Forget the hotel and stay in your very own Red Room of Pain! For $171 a night, this vacation rental comes with a fully equipped dungeon to meet all of your BDSM needs.
FIFTY SHADES SHRUG
Come on, you can't just tack on the words "fifty shades of grey" to anything!