PEOPLE.com Illustration By Debra Cartwright
December 10, 2014 12:15 PM

Just how many different relationships have been dragged into the doghouse by Drake?

Well, it’s at least five, by our count. PEOPLE went through the trouble of creating this visual guide to the problems Drake has allegedly caused in the homes of hip-hop luminaries, so you won’t have to. It goes from zero to 100 real quick.

“I’m sure [my mom would] love it if I married a Jewish girl,” Drake told Elle in 2011. But “she just wants me to be happy.”

Those were simpler times, weren’t they? Please, Drake – for the sake of the hip-hop community, your mom and your own physical well-being: Find that nice Jewish girl. Put a ring on it.

Illustration by Debra Cartwright

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