19 Divorced People Answer 'What Was the Final Straw?'
Some things just can't be forgiven
Some relationships slowly fizzle out with a whimper, while others come to an explosive end when it’s suddenly clear that the good times are too far bygone.
The Redditors below can pinpoint the exact moment their marriages imploded thanks to these couldn’t-be-overcome last straws.
“My wife put on 170 lbs. over 10 years. I never said anything and supported her attempts at weight loss. One day I was trying on an old Steelers jersey that didn’t fit, because I had gained 15 lbs. in 10 years. I said, ‘Well, i guess it’s time to buy a bigger jersey.’ Her response: ‘We’re not blowing money on a stupid jersey. You’ll just have to lose weight.’ F—ing. Done.”
“She wasn’t religious when we met. Ten years later she told me I was going to hell for believing in dinosaurs.”
“When I came home to find her sister’s husband naked in my bed.”
“The day after my father died (which happened to be Thanksgiving Day) my husband erased and reset my phone. Everything on it gone. Pictures of my dad with my daughter, pictures that only I had. He did it knowing that I had not backed up my phone and it wasn’t connected to the cloud either. I had called him ‘the worst person in the world’ because he requested a month of leave to visit my terminally ill father, got the leave, then decided to not buy a ticket to come visit. When I called him that, he decided to show me how much worse it could be. That was the final straw.”
“It was pretty much the Emma Thompson storyline from Love Actually – peeked into a jewelry bag at what I thought was my Christmas gift, on Christmas morning got a goddamn Nook instead. I was confused until a week later, via Facebook snooping, I saw his ‘friend’ showing off the gift. Shortly before that, I’d seen suspicious footprints all over our floor and he denied anyone had been in the house.”
“When I did all the chores for us to have a relaxing weekend. I vacuumed the apartment, cleaned everything, did the bathroom, went grocery shopping ($250+), washed two loads of clothes and hung them to dry, new bed sheets, made dinner that was on the table when she got home. And all during the day I sent her texts telling her what I did. Her reaction when she got home? WHY HAVEN’T YOU DONE THE DISHES?!”
“My husband was cheating. I found out, and instead of immediately dumping his ass, I said, ‘Let’s try to work this out, but you have to dump the girlfriend.’ His response: ‘But what if you and me don’t work out?’ DIRECT F—ING QUOTE. And THAT was the final straw.”
“The last straw? The one they kept snorting coke with.”
“When he handed me several spreadsheets laying out every time I stopped for a drink at McDonalds ($1) on my way to/from running errands accross the city in the desert. He then took my bank atm card and cut it up. Because I got a drink, I wasn’t allowed to use or have any cash, it all had to be accounted for at all times. I couldnt handle living under a microscope anymore.”
“Called to tell him my mom had just died and he said, ‘Ok’ and nothing else.”
“Him leaving the hospital when I was in labor with our daughter because I was whiny. It stressed him out. For me to be whiny.”
“The very last one was probably when I was on a vacation (visiting my hometown) by myself because my ex hated traveling and did whatever he could to avoid it. I was hiking along a gorgeous river with two good friends who are a couple, and watching them have so much fun together in nature. My ex hated being outdoors or doing anything involving exercise. I absolutely love both (yeah yeah why did I even fall in love with and marry him, but we did have some other things in common). When I saw my friends enjoying nature together, I felt so envious and I realized that would never be me and my significant other, if I stayed with my ex anyway.”
“I came home early from work because of a migraine. Found him in bed with my best friend. Oddly, I was more hurt by her behavior than his. Broomed them both that day.”
“She flew to Texas to spend spring break with a man she met on World of Warcraft.”
“I can give the exact moment I knew I was done. It was 3 days after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I was a police officer in New Orleans and was standing on the levee at the NOLA/JP line. My wife and small child relocated to my father’s house a few hundred miles away, but I was a police officer and could not evacuate with them. I had spent two days in a hotel surrounded by water and abandoned by my department. Myself and several other officers waded out and got transportation. After locating our supervisors, we managed to get some beef jerky and tuna to eat before taking a bath in someone’s pool. We established a checkpoint at the NOLA/JP line. Someone passing through the checkpoint had a Nextel phone (which were the only cell phones that could get a signal out). I stood on top of the levee so I could get a good signal and managed to get a call to my wife. The only thing she did was complain about ‘how hard’ everything was on her without once asking me if I was safe or even if I was okay. I remember thinking to myself that I had married the most selfish, spoiled woman on the planet and that if I stayed with her then she was going to drive me to an early grave. Less than 12 months later we were divorced.”
“I had been in hospital the night before and they had planned to do surgery for suspected appendicitis. It turned out not to be so acute so the surgery was cancelled and I was discharged and instructed to rest. By that morning, I hadn’t eaten for almost two days. Husband comes to the hospital to pick me up. He sat in the car about a block away with the engine running, waiting for me to walk to where he was. He called his work to say he was taking the day off to look after me. In reality, he spent the day in bed or playing PC games. There was no food in the house and he refused to go grocery shopping because ‘that was my job.’ By now I’m super hungry and still in pain from the niggling appendix. I asked if he could sort dinner for us. He pretty much picked a fight with me over that. I said I didn’t need this in my life and he responded, ‘Well we can get a divorce if you want!’ I said, ‘Yes please. I’ve actually been thinking about that for a while.'”
“We had been fighting over some fundamental issues, and I moved out for a couple weeks. I told him I’d be back in 3 weeks, we’d discuss everything with clear heads, and move on in our relationship. When I came over to have that conversation, he didn’t even turn off Battlefield. I quietly packed the rest of my stuff, and left. He regretted that decision soon after, and almost 3 years later still tries to get me back … in between girlfriends.”
“When our four year-old son started imitating what we yelled at each other during our increasingly frequent blowout fights.”
“He mentioned divorce, kind of as a threat, as in ‘If you’re so unhappy, why don’t we just get divorced then?’ intending me to go ‘No! We’ll work it out, I’ll try harder ‘ etc. etc. etc. I responded the intended way, but it stuck in my mind: Suddenly, divorce became a possibility, and I had a way out. It was weird that him mentioning divorce as a way of bringing me back to him was what pushed me further away.”
Stories have been edited for length and clarity.