Dean McDermott's Ex-Wife Blasts Him & Tori

"I have a great deal of empathy for Jennifer Aniston," says Mary Jo Eustace

Not everyone is sending congratulatory wishes to Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott, who were married Sunday on a private tropical island in Fiji.

McDermott’s ex-wife, Toronto TV personality Mary Jo Eustace – who was wed to the actor for 12 years and has a 7-year-old son and 10-month-old adopted daughter with him – is being very vocal about her disapproval of the union.

“It all could have been done so different,” Eustace tells Toronto’s Globe & Mail newspaper. “Right from the beginning, it was all about them. I confronted him once and said, ‘Do you know how (all this publicity) makes me and my family feel? Do not do this.’ He was like, ‘I did not even look at it that way.'”

Particularly upsetting to Eustace was the new groom’s comment to PEOPLE at his wedding last weekend. He said: “I’ve never had as much of a desire to get married and make a woman my wife as I’ve had with her. The feeling is overwhelming. We’re soul mates.”

Eustace considers the remark to be “the final nail.”

Spelling, 32, and McDermott, 39, met last summer in Ottawa while filming the TV movie Mind Over Murder. At the time, the former Beverly Hills 90210 star was wed to actor-writer Charlie Shanian, and McDermott was still with Eustace.

Eustace, referring to Brad Pitt’s relationship with Angelina Jolie, which started shortly after his split from Jennifer Aniston, says: “I have a great deal of empathy for Jennifer Aniston. She said I’m not going to be defined by this situation and this relationship. If you allow yourself to reside in that place, you won’t be able to function.”

Eustace does say that McDermott did let her know that he and Spelling were getting married – once she inquired after the fact. “Logistically, because I had to take care of my son, I asked him point-blank. I didn’t want any more surprises,” says Eustace, adding that her ex advised her of his upcoming tropical wedding two weeks ahead of time.

Eustace now is taking any lingering resentment and putting together a memoir. “The past year was a nightmare, but it was also funny,” she says. “I have to have a lot of humor about it. I have to embrace that side of it or I’d dis-empower myself.”

When news of the book was first reported, Spelling and McDermott told the New York Post: “It’s opportunistic and undignified that she would want to exploit her former marriage for monetary gain. We only wish her the very best.”

As for the contents of the prospective book, Eustace says that among other things, she ll write about “the meltdown I had at the driver’s license bureau because I’d missed my appointment. I started to cry and told the guy my husband had left me for Tori Spelling. He let me take my test So, see, it has an upside too.”