We Created the Über-Sexiest Man Alive
Who’s your favorite of PEOPLE’s Sexiest Men Alive?
Perhaps more importantly, what’s your favorite part from each of the Sexiest Men Alive? And could those parts somehow be combined into one über-sexy-mensch, a hyper-evolved glimpse into the future of sexy?
Because we like nothing better than playing God with chiseled man-features, we did just that. This is a little pet project we’ve been referring to around the office as the “Sexiest Frankenstein Alive” – all of the best parts of a handful of the respective Sexiest Men Alive, molded into one beautiful creation.
Hair: Johnny Depp. Whether it’s disguised for one of his characteristically eccentric roles or just the normal wavy, lustrous shock, Depp’s mane is one of our favorites in the business.
Nose: Ben Affleck. Strong. Perfectly angled. A great director. You decide whether we’re talking about Affleck or his nose.
Chin/Jaw: Harrison Ford. Whether it’s taking punches or just manfully spitting out lines like “Get off my plane,” Ford’s jaw has been working overtime for longer than some of the other people on this list have been alive.
Eyebrows: George Clooney. While they may no longer be unattached, Clooney’s expressive brows broke a lot of hearts over the past two decades.
Cheekbones: Brad Pitt. Did Pitt’s cheekbones reach peak sexiness in Fight Club or before? Discuss.
Eyes: Denzel Washington. Capable of charming or brooding, Washington’s expressive eyes have held us captivated for years now. We just can’t believe they spent all of Book of Eli hidden.
Smile: Tom Cruise. If plans aren’t in place to harness Cruise’s smile as a source of alternative energy, this country needs a new energy czar.
Arms/Shoulders: Ryan Reynolds. How the upper quadrant of Reynolds’s torso wasn’t enough to scare away the ghosts of The Amityville Horror remains a mystery to us.
Hands: Bradley Cooper. Legend has it Cooper’s hands were digitally modeled for the role of Rocket Raccoon in Guardians of the Galaxy. (That’s not true.)
Chest: Matthew McConaughey. Everything’s bigger in Texas. We’re all for dramatic weight loss for a role, but thank God McConaughey’s back to peak form after Dallas Buyers Club.
Ears: Channing Tatum. Look, he’s just got really well-sculpted ears, okay?
Neck: Adam Levine. Levine wears a lot of V-necks, so we thought it’d be appropriate to bestow upon our Sexy Frankenstein the part of Levine that he shows off the most.
Forehead: Sean Connery. Firm. Broad. Load-bearing. These are all terms we can apply to both Connery’s forehead and his accent.
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