The mom-to-be, who turns 30 on Monday, has blessed us with invaluable thoughts on everything from modeling to Taco Bell

By Lydia Price
November 30, 2015 04:35 PM
Rich Fury/Invision/AP

Our guiding light Chrissy Teigen turns 30 years young today.

Since the mom-to-be has schooled us on all the most important areas of life – fast food, nipples and French Bulldogs among them – we’re using her ascension to the three-decade club as a chance to reflect on her best musings.

Fasten your seatbelts, kids. It’s going to be a delicious ride:

1. “I looked at a Wheat Thin one day and got teary-eyed. You know those cartoons where the head of somebody becomes a turkey? That Wheat Thin looked like a f—ing turkey. My mouth was watering.”
– to Esquire

2. “Tinder for dudes is mostly scrolling through the mini cards they hand you on a Las Vegas Blvd. street corner.”
– on Twitter

3. “I feel like part of me will die when John Goodman dies.”
– to Esquire

via GIPHY

4. “I like being called butter face because it implies I have a dope body.”
– on Twitter

5. “I’m very open about the fact that I’m a big fan of day drinking. I also love cooking. I cook all day, and I have to have something in my hand while I’m doing that.”
– to Ask Men

via GIPHY

6. “Some people, I think, think that because I don t take it as seriously as a lot of the girls do, that I frown upon modeling or think it’s stupid. I don’t at all. This is my life. I would be nothing without this. But I really don’t take it seriously.”
– to The Daily Beast

7. “My vagina hurts when I watch gymnastics.”
– on Twitter

8. “Thank you Beyoncé for making marriage seem cool. It’s the only reason I said yes.”
– on Twitter

via GIPHY

9. “Trying to think of someone more lazy than me but only coming up with the inanimate objects currently surrounding me.”
– on Twitter

10. “I love cooking for my man. John is very successful, so people sometimes think that I am mooching off him. But we take care of each other in different ways.”
– to Cosmo

via GIPHY

11. “I like ‘Hotline Bling’ because it’s great and I don’t have to Google what it’s about.”
– on Twitter

12. “I never knew I was a butt girl, but John changed that. He’s got a little shelf.”
– to Esquire

via GIPHY

13. “Men are very tough, very critical of me. I think they expect you to basically just be a picture. They don’t want to hear you speak. Women, I love. It’s amazing to me, because I am a swimsuit model; I’m half-naked. I just love the fact that women love me, and it makes me love them so much back.”
– to Cosmo

14. “I like to send John nudes and say ‘sorry wrong person.’ “
– on Twitter

via GIPHY

15. “I get so mad when people look at my laptop screen on the plane that I start shaking and can barely continue reading their screens.”
– on Twitter

16. “My Bravo reality show would literally be me watching Bravo.”
– on Twitter

17. “Sometimes I think pieces of clothing can be unflattering I actually am better in less clothing. It’s both a blessing and a curse.”
– to W Magazine

via GIPHY

18. “I have no nipples. I draw them on with Sharpies each morning and sometimes I forget.”
– on Twitter

19. “Kate Middleton just gave birth to a future king and I just threw up wine almost into the toilet, it’s like we’re the same people.”
– on Twitter

via GIPHY

20. “Why can’t we all get drunk and crave salads?”
– on Twitter

21. “I have finally been recognized by the bean industry, this is a dream come true.”
– on Instagram

22. “If you wanna give me unsolicited baby advice on the damn cereal I eat/what I wear you better unlock your profile so I can see your perfection.”
– on Twitter

23. “Here’s to all the women that were never a Carrie, Miranda, Samantha or Charlotte. Here’s to the Elaines.”
– on Twitter

via GIPHY

24. “I have never been ashamed to say that I love really dirty food that maybe has high-fructose corn syrup, maybe the ingredients have stuff from old yoga mat parts or whatever.”
– to The Daily Beast

25. “I just learned the hard way that McDonald’s doesn’t serve fries before 10:30? Looks like we have another battle to fight, team.”
– on Twitter

26. “I would love to have a little fat on my sides so I can be sexy, curvy. I’d love a big butt. But I just can’t get there.”
– to Women’s Health

27. “Japanese anime porn documentary on HBO. It’s not creepy to watch because of the word ‘documentary’ is what I am telling myself right now.”
– on Twitter

28. “Whenever people say they hate me I get sad but then I realize I hate a s— ton of people I don’t know.”
– on Twitter

29. “It’s 6pm and we have only left bed to pee.”
– on Twitter

30. “I need Taco Bell.”
– on Twitter