10 Best Celeb Quotes This Week

"I don't need a stunt a––."
– Matthew McConaughey, who really backs up his performance in the male stripper film Magic Mike, to the Advocate

"Too much In-N-Out."
– Kourtney Kardashian, referring to the burger chain after Jay Leno joked that the pregnant star had really let herself go, on The Tonight Show

"It was like no, idiot. Go away, be 33 and 34 instead of 28 for the fourth year."
– John Mayer, on taking a two-year hiatus after a string of really dumb interviews, on Ellen

"I present rap Ty and video ho Julie."
– Modern Family's Julie Bowen, sharing a pimped-out photo of her and onscreen hubby Ty Burrell, on Twitter

"It really wouldn't do for her to dress like a Kardashian."
– The Daily Telegraph's fashion editor Lisa Armstrong, on the Duchess of Cambridge's sexy but still demure new look, to PEOPLE

"It is a rare man who can be that tough on the field and also have his own line of underwear."
– President Barack Obama, taking a below-the-belt shot at David Beckham, during a White House ceremony for the L.A. Galaxy

"The other day he was explaining to my belly how to do boxing. He was like, 'Listen, here's what you're going to do. You're going to go right, left, uppercut. Right, left.'"
– Expectant star Melissa Joan Hart, whose 4-year-old son Braydon is already taking on the role of big brother to his unborn sibling – much to the discomfort of mom – to PEOPLE

"[Director Adam Shankman] called and said, 'Def Leppard’s coming by the set.' I said, 'Man, that’s cool.' Then I paused. 'Wait, I'm rehearsing their song tomorrow.'"
– Tom Cruise, on his Rock of Ages performance that won him the '80s hair band's stamp of approval, to Playboy

"I would babysit you."
– Russell Brand, taking a liking to his "little Essex friends," the Nicki Minaj-singing mini duo Sophia Grace and Rosie, on Ellen

"Simon and L.A. better watch out!"
– X Factor's new judge Britney Spears, who will also be joined by Demi Lovato on season 2 of the reality singing competition, at the Fox upfronts presentation

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