The Britney Spears Guide to Bikini Videos
The princess of pop is a certified bikini video master
Brit Brit has taught us so much about life.
She introduced us to the art of the shimmy, the possibility ofsculpting truly washboard abs, the merits of latex bodysuits and the pink hummer dream.
But Britney’s highly educational collection of bikini videos have been perhaps her greatest contribution to modern civilization. Just look at what they taught us about the path to swimwear video success:
Lesson 1: Be excited to be in a bikini.
Here we have a perfect example of proper bikini enthusiasm. Britney’s “woo” and energetic wave say, “I love bikinis, you love bikinis, the world love bikinis, look at me and my bikini.”
Lesson 2: Choose a mysterious song that will make people wonder.
Splashing around in a hot tub and Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time” might not seem to go together at first, or even after you’ve put a significant amount of thought into their combination, but there’s no denying the mash-up has us interested. What does it all mean, Britney? We’ll just have to watch the clip a couple dozen more times to figure it out.
Lesson 3: Pretend the video has a purpose other than showing off your bikini bod.
Sure, Britney says she posted this because she “never released a video for this song” and “decided to do a little tease on Instagram instead,” but we all know her main priority was flaunting her two-piece physique. Tell your followers you wanted to “give them a tour of your backyard” or whatever and pretend you just happened to be wearing a perfectly form-fitting bikini at the time of filming. Trust Brit, no one will complain.
Lesson 4: Keep them wanting more.
Bikini videos are the perfect time to highlight your best dance moves, that’s obvious. But notice how Britney only offers a small dose of dancing here, abruptly stopping her grooving mid-step. This tease effectively leaves us on the edge of our seats, eagerly waiting for her to post the next bikini video. Genius.
Lesson 5: Sneak a bikini video into a vacation montage.
What’s that? You thought this video was just a tribute to a tropical family getaway? Well, surprise! It’s actually a bikini video (no matter how brief and distant the actual bikini part is).
Lesson 6: Switch it up with some slow-mo.
Sexy stares, sensual stretching, slow-mo. Need we say more?
Lesson 7: Sneak in a humblebrag
Yes, the stated purpose of this video is twirling on the haters, but secretly Britney just wanted to show off that awesome waterfall.