May 18, 2005 08:15 AM

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, a six-episode reality series starring Britney Spears and husband Kevin Federline, held its much-ballyhooed premiere on UPN Tuesday night, allowing the world to look into their private world.

As for what was witnessed: extreme close-ups exposing Britney’s pores, lots of kissing and eerie green night-vision camerawork. Opening with Britney on tour (in London), the pop princess is shown on an emotional quest.

“I don’t believe in marriage,” she says right into the camera. “I’ve been married. But that’s a different story.” Seeking relationship advice from nearly everyone she meets, Britney is looking for a guy who is “cool” and “hasn’t really seen that much,” because, she says, she has seen so much already.

During her quest, Britney hits the stage of a huge stadium filled with screaming fans (“They’re all here for me”) and travels in her RV (“You feel like you’re in a midget home”). She asks tourmate JC Chasez what his favorite sex positions are but doesn’t receive much of an answer (“He’s shy”).

Halfway into the first episode, Britney, who met Kevin at the L.A. club Joseph’s, decides to fly him to London to be with her. Kevin’s relationship with Shar Jackson, who at the time was pregnant with the couple’s second child, is never mentioned. “I saw Kevin,” Britney says of their introduction. “I just knew.”

Once in London, Kevin goes shirtless, but before he knows it Britney is grilling him on intimate matters and ultimately suggesting: “Let’s just screw all day.”

“You know I’m down for that idea,” he responds (in subtitles, to clarify his speech), prompting Britney to boast later, while having her hair done: “Our sex is so good. … Ecstasy, ecstasy, ecstasy, ecstasy.”

TV critics were anything but ecstatic in their appraisal of the show. “One sure thing about Britney Spears’s new reality TV show: There’s no danger of anyone ever dumbing it down,” judged The Washington Post. “A dumber downer would potentially be lethal. It would have to be buried in lead for 10,000 years, like nuclear waste.”

Of a scene of Kevin in the shower, New York’s Daily News noted: “Lucky guy. We were just left feeling dirty.”

But, in the show’s favor, the New York Post (giving the premiere three out of four stars) crowed, “Finally, a reality series that doesn’t gloss over the dross. … Who would have thought it would take bubbly, bubble-gum Britney Spears to bring us the first hint of reality in a reality show since The Osbournes?”

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