I’m a lot of things – dog-loving, cynical, perceptive, yogurt-stained – but Beyoncé-esque isn’t really one of them.
I think I have sex appeal, like when I’m preparing a sandwich while tapping my feet to “Hold Up” or when I put on a bold lipstick color at Sephora, but on the few occasions I go Out on the Town, I sometimes have trouble channeling my true sensual, sexual Scorpio self.
I decided to take a Beyoncé-inspired DivaDance class called “Strut” to unleash my inner Bey, as well as to trick myself into exercising. I’ve been obsessing over Lemonade and was starting to suspect my dance moves, mostly shoulder bops, weren’t quite cutting it.
For reference, this is how I dance:
The description of the class wasn’t too intimidating, either: “DivaDance classes feature easy-to-learn choreography for all levels of dance experience. Come with your squad OR solo – just be prepared to let your hair down for an hour of pure fun! Each sexy, sweaty class kicks off with a full-body warm-up and stretch, followed by choreo to the latest hits (and a few classic favorites) and finally ending with a cool down. Classes will occasionally be presented as a four-week series where participants have the option to perform for friends and family in a future recital (tutus optional).”
So I put on my least-muddy sneakers, my most thigh-hugging leggings and my roommate’s “On the Run Tour” T-shirt and headed to the SoHso studio.
The hour-long class taught us choreo to “Six Inch Heals” (featuring The Weeknd), which is one of the sexier songs. We started with a warm-up to “Sorry” that included hands-on-hips bopping and grabbing our feet to stretch.
OK, easy enough. I wasn’t panting yet. Then, we started learning the moves – fortunately, very slowly, and with a lot of repetition. The more confident I got with the moves – hair flips, dropping to the floor, body rolls – the more I could try to inject a little sex appeal. I took my glasses off so I couldn’t see myself in the big mirror wall, which I knew would be discouraging. (Note: I never got comfortable with the booty shakes. I simply can’t make my butt move independently of the rest of my body.)
Thirty minutes in, I was sweaty and breathing heavily. It felt like I was engaging muscles that I haven’t engaged in awhile/ever. I knew there were people lining up for “Formation” tour at that very moment, but I was at the next best thing. I basically was Beyoncé. Especially when we got to the part where we could do our own sexy walks to the wall, before launching into booty shakes.
Basically: I started feeling myself.
After the hour, which went by incredibly fast, I scurried off to watch The Bachelorette. Three days later, my thighs still feel sore. I haven’t yet worked up the courage to break these moves out in the club – mostly because I haven’t been to the clubs yet, and probably won’t ever – but I do feel that I have a little extra bounce in my step when I walk to the kitchen to eat peanut butter. So I’m going to call all of this a huge success!