"You can't win," the 30 Rock star tells the troubled actor

By Rennie Dyball
March 12, 2011 06:20 PM
Jim Spellman/WireImage;Phil McCarten/AP

Alec Baldwin has some sound advice for Charlie Sheen.

“Take a nap. Get a shower … And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it,” the 30 Rock star tells Sheen in a first-person piece written for The Huffington Post headlined “Two and a Half Men Is Better Than None.”

Sheen, who went on outrageous rants and filed a lawsuit for more than $100 million directed at his bosses, “can’t win” if he continues on the same bizarre path, according to Baldwin.

“When executives at studios and networks move up to the highest ranks, they are given a book,” Baldwin writes. “The book is called How to Handle Actors. And one principle held dear in that book is that no actor is greater than the show itself when the show is a hit.”

“And in that regard, they are often right,” Baldwin continues. “Add to the fact that the actor who is torturing their diseased egos is a drug-addled, porn star-squiring, near Joycean Internet ranter, and they really want you to go.”

But Baldwin isn’t giving up on the fired Two and a Half Men star just yet.

“Go on Letterman and make an apology,” he suggests. “Sober up, Charlie. And get back on TV, if it’s not too late. Beg for America’s forgiveness. They will give it to you.”

Last but not least, Baldwin thinks there’s one other person (a.k.a. one other troll) to whom Sheen owes an apology.

“P.S.,” writes Baldwin, “buy [Jon] Cryer a really nice car.”